Anything is Possible at the Mall
by melissamarie173
Summary: They Cullens go on a roadtrip and come across a mall in southern oregon. They go in and decide to have some fun. A game of truth or dare always shakes up the day. Not your average truth or dare fanfic. Read and see. Review! Bella isn't a vamp yet.
1. Chapter 1

Mall Turmoil 

**The Cullens decide to have fun at a mall, what will happen……**

**Enjoy!**

"Jas-per, do you have to drive like an old lady?" the boredom rang from Rosalie's musical voice.

"Uhm, Hello? I'm going 90 miles per hour already" Jasper retorted, obviously offended.

"Yah, but with the pace you're going we wont be in Maine till next week!" Emmett stepped in defending his wife.

"Guys, could you stop arguing long enough for us to get Bella some lunch?" All eyes turned to Edward and Bella in the Back seats of Emmett's Jeep.

"I'm not hungry though" Bella looked at me. I did see us stopping in a mall for lunch. (lunch for Bella I mean) All of a sudden her stomach rumbled, loudly, her face going that familiar deep shade of puce. " Okay, maybe I am a little bit on the hungry side. This wouldn't be a problem if I was a vampire you know."

Not this argument again, I completely agreed with Bella, Edward was being a prude, but she didn't need to remind him every waking second. " Come on Bella, give our dear repressed brother a break. He is only doing what he thinks is best. Besides, I can always change you when Edward goes hunting and leaves me to baby-sit you."

"No!" Edward and Bella both yelled at me. Wow, they really were meant for each other.

"Fine, I saw us stopping at a mall to get food for you rite about now." Jasper swerved onto the exit he very nearly missed. The Cullen "kids" drove in silence as they approached a gigantic looming mall

What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. 

Reviews make me smile 


	2. Chapter 2

Mall Turmoil 

**The Cullens decide to have fun at a mall, what will happen……**

**For anyone who didn't know the story is mainly in Alice's POV. If that changes I will let you guys know.**

**Also, I need to change the name and I would really appreciate some help. I don't even care if the name is off topic, any suggestions are welcome. To motivate you guys to help, I will make it a little contest. The person who can come up with the best name will get a part in the story. I don't know how big that part will be yet, but you will get some recognition, along with many review to all your stories.**

**I better start writing the actual story before this authors not become longer than the text.**

**P.S. this chapter is going to seem out of place, but I need to get to a certain point to get the fun started.**

**Enjoy!**

We walked through the glass revolving doors. Emmett loved revolving doors. He spent a good fifteen going around and around, all the time yelling it would be more fun if he could go "faster". I looked at the floor map and saw that the food court would be on the opposite side of the mall. Dang, with Bella and Emmett to pay attention to this might take a while.

Another rumble came from Bella's hungry stomach. I really hoped we don't get sidetracked. Okay Edward , I know you are listening and yes I do mean it.

" You have got to be joking, right? You are at a huge mall, and you would rather have Bella fed than shop?" Edward started to laugh at me.

Okay, so maybe he was right. I did want to shop, **badly**. But thanks to the vision I had, Bella would go insane if we didn't get her some food. Something to do with the ocean and mermaids, I don't know, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I walked past the stores I so desperately wanted to go in: Hollister, Sephora ( I am aware that the amazing products I buy there will have no effect on me, but Bella is always running low on make up), Juicy Catoure, the names were endless in this wonderful mall, each one taunting me with the things I cant buy until later.

Great, we have to go up escalators to get to the second floor. There goes another fifteen minutes to Emmett's amusement.

I stepped on the step and got closer to Jasper. No words on Earth can describe how much I love Jasper. I was lost in thought when…

"OWW"

"Ohh, Bella, love. Are you okay?"

I could hear Emmett coughing, trying to cover up his laughter as Bella trips once again. Hahaha. I don't blame him, It was funny. Bella was so klutzy she could trip over anything. I think she tripped walking across the gym floor once. The gym floor is completely flat, Only Bella could manage that.

"Al-ice" Oh Dang, Edward growling meant he was mad.

" Sorry, but if you don't want to hear what I am thinking, then stay out of my head" I purposely though "fun" things about me and Jazz.

" Alice, I do not need to know those things about you!" Shows him right, he should mind his own beeswax, or lion's blood I should say.

"Alice, you know that Eddie is not going to be a man anytime soon so please stop annoying him" Yeah, I got Bella with me. I also got another growl from Edward, and I know just how to fix that…..

"You know what, this is the longest escalator I have ever been on" Emmett was so stupid sometimes.

"That's because we go off the escalator a few minutes ago, Em" Rosalie was so calm in answering him. I don't know how Rosalie deals with him.

We stepped into the food court to find a wide arrange of restaurants.

" Eww, human food" Couldn't Emmett be a little quieter?

"And what do you eat, dude, cat food?" A person eating some Japanese food with his girlfriend heard Emmett's comment and just had to respond. Here comes a fight.

I spaced out and saw Edward talking to a girl, that wasn't Bella, and than saying he was into guys. I went back to the world and just stared.

"Edward, I didn't know you were gay. Why didn't you tell us?"

"Wha- What? I am not gay. I'm with Bella remember!?"

"Alice I can honestly say that Edward isn't gay. I can also honestly say if I don't eat then I will burst and you will be washing Bella Guts out of your hair for weeks" Geesh, she didn't need to be so pushy.

We arrived at a Burger Kind and ordered Bella some human food. Wait, EWW, that guy did not just wipe his nose then touch our food. Yuck. Oh no, he sneezed in to the bag. Bella is not eating that, I don't care how long it takes to get guts out of my hair.

Edward, go get Bella some food from somewhere else, the guy here will end up sneezing in the bag and trying to serve us that germy fat.

He was gone before I could finish the thought.

I also saw that a girl working at Sephora was going to rip us off and try to get Bella to buy really ugly makeup.

We are going toa have to teach this mall not to mess with the Cullens…………

What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. 

I know this chapter isn't that good, actually I know it downright stinks, but I needed to get to a certain point in the plot to get this story going. And sorry for the cliffhanger, but I would really like you to read the next chapter, so having you want to know what is going to happen, will hopefully make you want to read more

Reviews make me smile 


	3. Chapter 3

Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams……well that's a different story.**

**I still need some new title suggestions. I have only received a whopping two ideas. They were good, but it's not exactly fair to pick the first ones I get. Also I have changed the "prizes" you get if I chose your title. I was going to make you into a character, but now I think you can either be a character or you can chose for me to give you two ideas for new stories. Chose what you would like, but you don't get anything if you don't review with your suggestions.**

**Anyway, back to the good stuff….**

**Enjoy.**

Edward had returned faster than I had expected.

"Alice, come on, don't you think you are being a little bit immature?"

"Can you stay out of my head, you know of the things I can think Eddie"

"You don't have to think, we can give him front row tickets to the show" Jasper always new to come to my defense.

"Gosh you guys, do you always have to be like that? And you know how much I hate the name Eddie"

"I know, that's why I used it. But really, if we can't vandalize the place, we have to have some kind of fun"

"Fun, I like Fun!!!"

"We know you do Emmett"

What could we do for fun, in a mall, that chances are we will never be in again. Hmmmm…

"Is anyone up for a game of truth or dare?" please say yes, please say yes. "I mean how much _permanent_ damage can we do with a harmless game of truth or dare?"

"I'm in if you guys are" Bella actually looked excited, she probably had some sick and twisted dare planned for someone. It was the least I could do to let her go first.

"Yeah, humans first!"

"Okay…" she looked deep in thought. "Emmett, truth or dare?"

Ha, this was going to be funny. All I saw was something about the rock and someone named Eugene, but Bella was becoming more and more like a Cullen every day, so she was going to come up with some really embarrassing dare.

**Emmett POV**

Oh no. Bella was still the clumsy little human she has always been but she has been spending more time with Alice and Rose than I would like. I don't want to but I'm going to have to pick dare, or Edward and Jazz aren't going to let me forget it. I hope Bella's mind isn't as wicked as my wife's…

**Back To Alice's POV**

"Dare, of course" Emmett bit off more than he can chew with this one…

"Okay Emmett" Bella started to explain his dare, while everyone else leaned in to hear. They could hear whatever she said from across the food court so why they leaned in beats me. Human reflexes I guess. " I dare you to go into that Dick's Sporting Goods and move all the fitness equipment into the middle of the store. Then you have to take all the weight and build yourself a throne to sit on. After that you have to sit on it and tell people who stare that you are King Hulk and you deserve your magic throne. After a few customers learn your new identity go to the check out counter and ask for steroids to feed your muscle friends"

I'm pretty sure everyone's mouth dropped a foot, including mine. Bella: Human, danger magnet, and closet Evil Genius? Wow, she was good, I hope I don't get a dare from her later.

"Uh, Uh, Sure Bella" Emmett was obviously shocked.

Emmett walked into the store, already turning heads with his muscular physique. Surprisingly the place was almost packed with people. Even better. Emmett quickly made his way over to the Fitness section. He grabbed the first two treadmills with ease. A pair of teenage girls were making googly eyes at him. I hope Rosalie doesn't notice, or those girls are going to get quite an interesting show. The rest of the treadmills were in a neat pile in the exact center of the store, and half of the exercise bikes were being added to that pile. All of a sudden the remaining equipment was in that pile.

"No fair Emmett, going faster is cheating!" Bella, did she not know that it wouldn't make a difference. Emmett would still have used his vampire powers.

In the next few seconds the weights were neatly arranged in a chair that might actually hold Emmett. Only one way to find out right? Yes, Emmett handiwork prevailed! By now there had been a crowd of bystanders just staring at him.

"What are you looking at? King Hulk deserves more than this, but has to settle"

"King Hulk dude, are you serious. First the cat food and now you are King Hulk. Do I need to get the nice big men in the white coats to come and get you?" it was the same guy from the food court and his girlfriend. Are they stalking us? Oh well, they might come in handy for later.

"Speaking of cat food. The rock and Eugene are hungry. Go get them some food peasant."

"I'm not a peasant and who in the world are the Rock and Eugene?"

"My royal friends" Emmett showed the dud and his girl his muscles. I swear that girl's eyes popped out of her head."

"uh-Uh, what do I feed them king hulk?" Emmett's muscles, or Eugene and the Rock I should say, had that effect on people.

"What do you think they eat subject? STEROIDS, DUHH!"

"Uhm, I will go find them" That guy ran out of the store like a bat out of heck.

"Emmett, that wasn't the dare, you had to go to the checkout counter for the steroids, remember?"

"Sorry Bella, but I had to improvise. It worked out better this way anyway."

Hahahahahah. That was so funny. I am going to need to go shopping for Eugene and the Rock later. I wondered who was next.

I got my answer. Emmett turned to me

"So Alice, truth or dare?"

**What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. **

**Wow, that was lengthy wasn't it? I needed to finish Emmett's dare before I ended the chapter. You guys probably wouldn't like me if I left you with a cliffy like that.**

**Any ideas for Alice's Dare? i have one but you guys could probably come up with something better...**

**Reviews make me smile**

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	4. Chapter 4

Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story.**

**Still, looking for a new title… **

**Enjoy.**

_Previously in Mall Turmoil: _

"_So Alice, truth or dare?"_

Uhh, I couldn't pick truth or else I would look like a sissy. That left me no choice…

"Dare" Immediately after I said that Edward and Emmett burst into fits of laughter, and I saw my dare. I wasn't going to enjoy this.

"Alice, the for the first part of your dare you must go into the Disney Store and steal a Tinker Bell costume and put it on."

"Again with the pixie cracks…"In a few seconds I went to and from the Disney Store and was now standing in the middle of Dick's Sporting Goods dressed in a fairy costume. The bystanders were starting to stare.

"Good. Now, you must go out into the mall and find little kids and try to re-"

"Good one Emmett! You finally pulled through" How could Edward encourage this humiliation.

"I know what I'm going to do Em. I saw it. This is going to be awkward." I muttered under my breath.

"Wait, can you please explain this to the stupid human?"

"You will just have to wait and see like Rosalie and Jasper will" She was probably going to have trouble containing her laughter when she sees what I have to do for my dare.

I walked out of the store, already gathering more viewers than I would have liked. But I guess the pixie costume just adds to our inhuman beauty.

"Here goes nothing…"

I walked over to the first kid I could find. He didn't look too friendly. I might as well start here.

"Hey, little boy. Do you know who I am? I am tinker bell, and-"

"STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER! MOMMY, THERE IS A STRANGER TRYING TO GET ME!"

And that fat little kid just kept screaming and running in circles. No one was coming to him, no one really even noticed. He just went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I got so bored and annoyed, I just backed away slowly…

I got back to my family, who were doubled over in laughter. Bella looked as if she was going to suffocate because of lack of air. "That went well." I rolled my eyes.

"Come on Alice. You know you can't stop until you get someone to join you."

"Shut up Emmett. I know. But do they have to be kids?"

Emmett pondered that for a moment, then replied "I guess not, it would be pretty funny to find a middle aged lady trying to be in the army."

"What army?!?"

"Give it a rest Bella, they aren't going to tell us, so we just have to wait. It would be better if Alice would move a little faster" Rosalie was getting impatient. Wait till she gets a dare herself. Then we will see who is laughing.

I cautiously walked over to the dude from the food court and his girlfriend. I walked up beside them, but was looking away.

"Psst, hey you two love birds!" I whispered. "Hey my boss, well he has a mission for me"

"Uhm, your boss?" the girl looked at me if I should be in a mental hospital. Well, I have been there once and I don't plan on going back, it worked so well the first time…

"Yah, my boss." I was still whispering, but I made my voice a little louder. "You may know him, Peter Pan? Yah that's him. " Again, that look came from the girlfriend. Really, didn't she have any other facial expressions?

"Well, Mr. Pan and I were talking and we need some help to nuke Captain Hook. Do you wanna sign up for the service?"

The Japanese cuisine eating guy looked at me, he almost looked excited "See honey, I told you that there was a

Neverland Army. I told you and you didn't believe me. Well, now who is the crazy one? HUH? WHO IS IT? I AM NOT THE CRAZY ONE!!"

"Geesh, Carl, keep it down. People are staring. And there is no such thing as the army of Neverland. Come on, we have to get home. The men in the white coats hate it when we are late…"

They left the area quickly. I turned to Emmett " I hope that meeting goes well"

"Alice, you still haven't had any one sign up for the Army."

"Oh, come on Emmett, give me a break. I tried, and have defiantly found that I do not look good in this shade of green. Haven't I had enough?"

"No Alice, you and I both know that you cant back out of a dare half way through."

"Fine" I said, defeated.

I walked over to this elderly woman with glasses that looked like they did more harm than good. She was trying to read a magazine and was struggling with the large print on the cover. How she was going to make it to the articles was past me…

"Hello, I'm Alice, what's your name?" I talked slowly as if to a small child.

"Oh, Hello young lady, I'm Gertrude. Is it Halloween already?" Wow, she could actually see my costume.

"Oh, I'm not in costume ma'am, I'm Tinker Bell"

"From that wonderful movie they made around my 50th birthday?" Wait wasn't that movie like, a gazillion years old? That means…

"Yes, well up in Neverland, we are having some problems." I put on my cute-as-heck puppy dogface and tried to sound as young as possible.

"Oh, sweetie, what can I do to help?" This lady was a sap.

"Well, peter pan and I were thinking that to nuke captain hook, we might be safer, if we had an army. Would you like to join?" Yes, my dare was going to be over really soon.

"Oh, yes, I haven't seen peter in so long… how can I join?"

"Uhm, you have to go to the chocolate store and buy fifty pounds of candy, then feed it all to the little boy over there" I pointed to Edward, ha-ha, there is no reason that I couldn't have some fun too .

"oh, of course dearie, anything for Mr. Pan." Next thing I know that little old lady was steamrollering over kids, knocking them over with her cane, all to get to the chocolate store.

"There Emmett, I did my dare" I looked around to find all of them trying to control their laughter, all of them except Bella.

"So Bella, truth or dare?"

**What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. **

**Wow, another lengthy one. I needed to finish Alice's dare before I ended the chapter. I know this one wasn't that funny but, to tell the truth I'm not a really funny person, I am more of a stupid person**

**Reviews make me smile**

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	5. Chapter 5

Anything is Possible in the Mall [previously was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl though…**

**Thank you so much to Dr. Cullen for the new title, I just loved it. You are going to be, well, a doctor. Sorry if you find your character not like you at all, but the person has to be weird because this is supposed to be a funny fanfic**

**And thank you to all the other amazing reviewers who have read the story and contributed a title or dare suggestion**

**So far I have 27 reviews! Wow! That is 26 1/2 more than I thought I would get. I am so glad you guys actually read my story. I don't want to sound greedy, but ****I am not going to update again until I have at least 35 reviews. Sorry****. Also I would ****really**** appreciate you guys checking out my other story, ****Jasper's Singer****. It's more serious than this, but I hope you guys still like it.**

**You are probably bored from all my talking, so, back to the good stuff:**

**Enjoy.**

_Previously in Mall Turmoil:_

"_So Bella, truth or dare?"_

Bella POV 

Oh, Dang. Alice is going to make me do something really stupid. Like be a Victoria Secret Mannequin. Wait, that gave me an idea…

**Alice POV**

"Well, Bell-"

"Alice, no, can't you give her a dare more suited to her?'"

"I'm sorry, Edward, but I knew my dare for Bella as soon as we entered the mall. You will both thank me in the end."

"Well, what is my dare?"

"Bella, come with me, I need something for you to wear for your dare. And I need to get out of this fairy costume. People are starting to stare and I don't want to go back to the asylum." I looked at Jazz, Edward, Emmett, and Rose.

"Guys, do what you want, but meet us in the middle of the mall, by the fountain in half and hour. And, Edward."

"Yes, Alice?"

"Don't tell anyone the dare. For all you know I will change my mid and come up with a whole new dare."

I walked with Bella to the other side of the mall, to the bathing suit store. Edward did say he wanted a dare that "suited" her more. I laughed aloud at my pun. Bella stared at me, probably really considering bringing me to the cuckoo hut. First I bring her to a bathing suit boutique and now I start laughing randomly. I felt bad for her.

"So…Alice… What is my dare exactly?"

"Well…Bella…As you may have noticed we are in a bathing suit store, so your little human common sense would tell you that I am going to get you a bathing suit."

"Oh" It really amazed me, how many shades of red Bella could invent with all her blushing.

"Sorry, that was kind of rude. Well, firstly I am going to pick you out a pretty bikini." Bella eyes bugged out of her head when I said that word. I suspected as much, considering she doesn't even like to wear one-pieces without a cover-up over them. "Yes, Bella, I said Bikini."

"I though Edward was the mid reader?"

"Bella, any human would have figured out what you meant. Well, maybe not any human. Mike Newton is pretty thick." Bella laughed. "So, lets look at the bikinis, so you can try some of them on"

We looked at the rack of swimsuits. I immediately went for the red ones, out of habit. I picked out a sparkly one, with a sequin flower at the top. I also found this deep crimson red one. Then I remembered that Edward's favorite color on Bella was dark blue. So I went and found this really skimpy dark blue one. I added it to the ginormous pile and handed them to Bella to try on.

Edward was going to enjoy this dare. Bella cam out in the blue one and looked stunning. She might actually give Rosalie a run for her money.

"Okay Bella, we are getting it!" I squealed. Her face dropped "I will get you a cover-up too" She smiled.

We purchased the item even though Bella was wearing them. That got us a few weird looks from the cashier, but oh well. We were walking toward the center of the mall, as I explained to Bella what she needed to do.

"So, you got, it? You just have to swim around like a-"

"I know Alice we already went over this. I know what I have to do. Here goes nothing…" And with that, she jumped into the fountain.

"Lady what are you doing?" They guy from the food court hadn't left yet? I'm guessing his girlfriend dumped him and took the car…

"I'M A MERMAID!!" Bella yelled, in a babyish voice. It was so funny. Right on cue, The rest of our family walked in. The all started to laugh, Except Edward, who was in shock, yet still liking "the view". OH NASTY, I just saw what Edward was planning on doing tonight. I'm proud of my brother for ending his prude-like streak, but I did **not** need to know the details.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward was so mad right now. I better watch my closet when I get home or he might…

"I'm not Bella, I am Princess Ariel of the ocean. I'm a mermaid." Her voice was mimicking a ditzy blonde **[a/n I have nothing against being blonde and I hope I don't offend any of you. Sorry for the stereotyping but I couldn't find a way to explain Bella's voice other than that**

As you may have guessed a crowd started to form. Were all these people following us? Anyway, I few had started to throw coins into the fountain because of Bella, especially the guys. Edward was steaming, their not so G rates thoughts. And if you know anything about mob pchycology then you know once a few people start to do something, they all do it. An if you know anything about Bella than you already know

Bella + a bunch of coins being thrown at her not cool.

As the change was raining down, I caught a glimpse of … wait was that Jasper I saw in my vision? I should have gotten Bella a less revealing swimsuit.

"AHHH, that was my eye!" Bella got hit in the face with what looked like a silver dollar. People were generous today. In less than three seconds Edward was in the fountain, trying to get Bella to move her hand from her face so he could look at her eye.

"SOMEBODY CALL A DOCTOR! I THINK SHE IS HURT!!!" Edward was always way too over protective. It was scary sometimes.

Someone at the back of the crowd ran to the pay phones and was dialing before I could yell that Bella was okay. Besides, if she actually was hurt then Carlisle could get here faster than any human doctor could.

It all happened so fast, even for a vampire. First, Bella was there with her hand over her eye, which was slightly off color (her eye not her) but showed no sign of serious physical damage. Mental damage…well she had that going for her before we got to the mall.

"ALICE!" Sorry, Eddie.

Anyway, some one in the crowd, which I am now renaming "the mob", had been a doctor and had his bag with him and everything. (Why would a doctor be carrying around his medical bag in a mall? I mean I know Carlisle loves being a doctor, but at least we make him leave baggie yes he named it, long story, don't ask at home).

A man randomly jumps out of "the mob" and puts his hands on his hips like some sort of super hero and yells out "HAVE NO FEAR, SUPER DOCTOR IS HERE!"(I am no longer the only less than sane person at this mall, besides Carl) Okay, so this doctor comes out of "the mob", pushing over people [Carl the Japanese cuisine eating weirdo and jumps into the fountain, suit and all. So I did the only responsible thing for an innocent bystander to do.

I started to tape it. This was going to be Youtube's most watched video very soon. I pulled the mini camcorder out of my Prada bag and turned it on. I could get a full view of everything. Bella, refusing to get out of the water because of her 'clothing issues'. Edward, struggling to get Bella out of the water before any more coins cause her bodily harm. 'Super Doctor' trying to find something in his bag, which was as big as a decent size suitcase. And "the mob" still throwing coins at them all. I was laughing so hard, it was all I could do not to drop the camera.

I turned (me and the camera) to see Jazz, Emmett, and Rose all laughing hysterically. Rosalie was on her knees, Jasper was leaning against the wall to keep from falling over, and Emmett was laying on him stomach pounding the ground like a little kid having a fit. I needed to stop this before I ran out of film. I would definitely be disappointed if this went on and I didn't have record of it. So I found a little box with some switches in it in the back of the nearest store.

I flipped the switch and the mall went dark. Vampires have great night vision so the fact that it was pitch black had no effect on us.

Edward. Get Bella out of there, I think she has had enough. We all raced to the second floor, above the fountain, and I turned the lights back on. We were watching what else was happening, an I was taping Super Doctor get pelted by pocket change.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, that was hilarious. Well it was until I turned around and received Bella's death glare. She was not happy. And, oh, another vision. And she knew just how to get me back.

"So Jasper, truth or dare?"

**What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. **

**You must review for me to update. Sorry, but I get all these story alerts, and favorite story adds but barely any reviews.**

I am aware that lately, the people's dares haven't been revealed till the end and I am sorry. I will try to fix it next chapter if you find it frustrating.

**READ JASPER'S SINGER!!!**

**Lol, I found this in AllforFang's profile: **_**Therapist The/rapist... scary thought **_**&&** **AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen's Including Bella Disorder. && AV is Addicted to Vampires && ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder**

**Reviews make me smile**

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	6. Authors note I'm Sorry

**Guys, I know you all hate authors notes, and you think that they are chapters when they are not, but this one is important. I am now having a review limit or whatever they are called. I will only update if I get five reviews per chapter. I am sorry, but there is no use writing if I don't get review. I understand that only so many people actually look at my story, but that is not the case. I get at least five ****new**** story alerts every chapter, so that makes at least five reviews, never mind the people who already read it.**

**If you have been reviewing faithfully, I thank you. You guys get virtual high fives! If you sont review, well, uhm, ….. sorry, no high fives for you.**

**I already have the next chapter written, I am just waiting for you guys to review enough that I can post it.**

**Right now, we are at a whopping 32 reviews!!! WOW! You guys are amazing! But I am aiming for at least 35 before I upload the next chappie. Soryy for this really annoying authors note, but it would be really weird at the top of the next chapter, and you guys would probably get border than you already are. **

**melissa / mind reader**


	7. Chapter 6

Anything is Possible in the Mall [previously was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl though…**

**Thank you so much for Super Doctor, this chapter is for you and all of your super doctor awesome-ness. You are still my favorite super hero! from you best-est pal mid reader!**

**I have 38 reviews right now. I am not updating until I hit 45 reviews, so clickie the button! It doesn't have to be long, or well though out, but review make my world go round. And right now, my world is rotating pretty slowly :'[**

**You are probably bored from all my talking, so, back to the good stuff:**

**Enjoy.**

_Previously in Mall Turmoil:_

"_So Jasper, truth or dare?"_

**Jasper POV**

If my dare is anything like Emmett's, well, uhm… why am I feeling evil waves from Bella?

**Alice POV**

Oh, why did Bella have to take after Rosalie and me? This was too cruel to Jazz. She was really becoming a Cullen though.

"So Jasper" All eyes were on Bella as she talked ."You have to… Gointovictoriassecretandbeamannequindressedinlingerie!" Why couldn't Bella just say things slower when she was nervous, stupid people like Emmett can't understand.

"Sorry. I meant to say you have to go into Victoria's Secret and be a mannequin dressed in lingerie. And while you are doing that you have to pop out at people" Seeing the look on Emmett's and Rosalie's faces made her reword her last statement. "OMC! Not like that, I meant jump out and surprise people!" Bella turned a weird shade of purple-ish red, and even got a giggle out of Edward.

Edward. Wait till Jasper's done with his dare. Jazz will have enough common sense to dare Edward to get back at Bella.

Jasper ran into Victoria's Secret with vampire speed and cam out with… a silk babydoll? _Make mental note to buy that later…_

"Alice, can you please stop that?"

"Stay out of my head Eddie or I will think things that you will need soap to remove!" He has privacy issues.

Anyway, Jasper then went in and disposed of one of the Mannequins already there. Actually he gave it to Emmett who is … well, I don't even want to know what Emmett has in mind for that mannequin. Jasper then took the place of the mannequin and stood as still of stone. My gorgeous hunk of –

"Alice!"

"Gosh, Edward, Will you just stay out of my head. If you cant you might need to get the soap I said you might need"

Okay, so Jasper was in place. We casually walked in to get front row seats. Rose and I looked right at home, but Edward, Bella and Emmett were sticking out like sore thumbs. They were hiding in the corner where the pajamas were. Sissies. Bella needed to get used to lingerie. As a Cullen she will need a lot for…

"Alice!! I am serious. Stop!"

"Edward, why do you insist on my mind. When you could read someone else's?"

"Because, one: I cant read Bella's mind, two: Nothing is going on in Emmett's and three: Rosalie's is worse than yours."

"Uhhhh, you are hopeless."

So, our first victim came through the door. She walked, winked toward Edward and Emmett and then moved toward Jasper. She was admiring the babydoll (I refused to think she was looking at my husband) and all of a sudden

"BOO!

That lady jumped a mile! We all started laughing! The lady walked angrily out of the store. Wait, how can you walk angrily? Well, however you do it, that is what she did. But one scared/angry person wasn't enough to satisfy Bella.

So, the next person walked though the door. She, like every other female on the planet, tried to impress Edward and Emmett by batting her eyes and sticking her chest out. Yuck. She wasn't even as close to as pretty as Bella. I gave a death glare. I mean, this glare was **evil!** I could burn through her head if it was any eviler.

So get this, she walks over to mannequin Jazz and TOUCHED HIS LEG!! Now my death glare could burn a hole through her head. No one can tough his leg but me.

"Alice!"

"Shut Up Eddie!"

If she didn't know that Jasper was real, then why would she tough his leg? And Jasper was supposed to be a girl. No comment.

So, Jasper, being the amazingly nice gentleman he is, kindly tells

"Uhm, miss, could you stop touching me. I don't think my wife would appreciate it." That lady just started to stare, wide-eyed at Jazz, in horror. "And don't worry, I won tell any of your friends about this incident."

She just slowly backed out of the store as wait! Gertrude, The old lady who wanted to be in Peter Pan's army was back with a bag full of candy form the chocolate store I was taking about. I didn't know she would take me seriously.

"OH, come here Mr. Pan." She ran for Jasper, obviously mistaking him for Edward. This was going to be interesting.

"I got the candy you wanted. Are you going to use it for grenades?" Jasper's Eyes widened, he could tell from her emotions that she was completely serious. In the pajama corner, Edward was giving Emmett, Rosalie (who gave up on new lingerie and went to go be with her husband) and Bella a play by play using the lady's thoughts.

"Why don't you round up the lost boys and we will go after that evil Captain Hook." This lady was a whack job.

"Uhm, ma'am"

"Yes, Peter?"

"Uhm, Me and the lost boys already got to Captain Hook, and now he is, uhm, in the crocodile's stomach"

"Oh, I always knew that crocodile would turn out to be a good guy. Now tell me something Peter"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Is that crocodile single?" Did Gertrude just ask if a cartoon crocodile is single? She was way more mental than I was when they committed me.

"Uhm, to tell you the truth ma'am" Jasper was getting nervous and creeped out, and now he was making us nervous and creeped out too. "I don't exactly know. I will go to Neverland and ask… uhh …Bye"

Jasper grabbed my arm and his clothes and took off like a bat out of hell. The rest of us came out of the store clutching their sides from laughter, and being yelled at by the manager who had kicked them out. This time Jasper was armed with a vengeance…

"Edward? Truth or Dare?"

**What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. **

**Sorry this chapter was kind of short, well actually it wasn't, but it seems sorta rushed. That's because I forgot to save it when I first wrote it, and I hit the 35 review mark faster than I would have thought.**

**You must review for me to update. Sorry, but I get all these story alerts, and favorite story adds but barely any reviews**. **I hate it too, but I'm not as smiley as I would like.**

**Jasper's Singer is discontinued until further notice.**

**Lol, I found this in AllforFang's profile: **_**Therapist The/rapist... scary thought **_**&&** **AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen's Including Bella Disorder. && AV is Addicted to Vampires && ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder**

**Reviews make me smile**

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	8. Chapter 7

Anything is Possible in the Mall [previously was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl, Carol, and Gertrude though…**

**W-O-W guys. You rock! Look at all the reviews I got! And most of them I got in the first ten minutes after I posted the last chapter! I didn't know that you guys even liked my writing. Anyway there is no review limit on this chapter, because they only cause trouble for me. Last limit was 45, and I quickly passed that with no trouble. Sorry I didn't post this as soon as I hit 45 reviews, but I didn't even start it until 48.**

**This Chapter is dedicated to Bella Raven Cullen and Arykianna Cullen. Both of whom have been totally awesome with reviews and PM and the whole shpeel. (Don't ask)**

**This chapter is REALLY not my best. I don't know why but I could write it down and make it sound good. I am sorry for my terrible writing. Please forgive me '[ I will try my hardest to make the next chappie better.**

**You are probably bored from all my talking, so, back to the good stuff:**

**Enjoy.**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_Edward? Truth or Dare?"_

Edward POV I wish Bella had given Jasper a nicer dare. He was going to take out his anger on me. Alice POV 

This was going to be good. I already knew his dare, and by the look on his face, Edward knew it too. Bella will regret the dare she gave Jasper. Oh well, it's too late, and this is bound to be funny. Edward took a step toward Jazz and whispered something to him that I barely heard, even though I was listening with vampire speed.

"Hey, Jasper, can you not say this one aloud? I don't know how Bella will take it. I don't want to give her a heart attack. Then she will have a legitimate reason to be changed"

"Sure Eddie, but you still have to do it, you know" They were speaking with normal voices now

"Yah, I know, but can you guys answer one question for me?" He turned to the rest of us.

"What?" Rosalie, short tempered and catty as usual.

"Why do you guys insist on calling me Eddie? You know I _despise_ that name."

"That's why Eddie, we know you hate it so we call you by it. The real question is, if you hate it so much, why do you answer to it?" Haha, I got him stumped this time.

"Alice, So you have to prove that you are a know-it-all?"

"Just stating the obvious." I smiled, and 'coughed', trying to hide my laughter, which would, no doubt, make Edward furious. "Okay, back to the dare!"

"It stinks being the only human" Bella pouted. Edward, well, you don't even want to know what he wanted…

"Alice, now who is invading privacy?"

"Sorr-eey. But I don't have control over my visions. They just come. So, technically, it's not privacy invasion."

"Rosalie, and me want to know the dare too!" Toward Emmett's pouting, I wasn't as sympathetic, but it was definitely funnier than Bella.

We watched as Edward made his way across the Second Floor of the mall. Bella, Emmett, and Rosalie were utterly confused according to Jasper.

"Uhm, excuse me miss, my name is Edward Cullen." Carl's (yes, the Japanese cuisine eating weirdo) girlfriend turned around.

"Uhm, Hi. My name is Carol." Carl and Carol? Uhm, okay…

Edward turned on the charm. He did that thing when he looks up from under his eyelashes and "dazzles" girls as Bella calls it. Bella realized what he was doing and immediately started whisper-yelling at Jasper. **(A/N For those of you that don't know what whisper-yelling is, its using an angry tone with someone in a quiet voice because they were evil to your boyfriend and you are in the middle of a mall so you cant yell like you normally do. Not that I have any experience…)**

"Jasper Whitlock Hale, what do you think you are doing giving him a dare like that? Do you have a deathwish?" Bella was mad, I was hysterical, Emmett and Rosalie mildly amused.

"Well technically, Bella, I cant die" Way to go Jazz.

"Well, ugh… you…him...UGH!" Bella crossed her arms, defeated.

So, back to Eddie, Carl, and Carol. Edward and Carol were apparently deep in a conversation on tube socks. Tube socks, Eddie? Are you okay? Anyway I listened in.

"So, Carol, Can you tell me…" This girl was putty in Edward's hands. By now she had enough sense to push Carl away from her. " What are your favorite colored tube socks?"

Cheesy much? Really, they were talking about tube socks and she still was into Edward. I wonder, will she cry when Edwar- Yes, She will.

"Well, Eddie-poo, I personally like red tube socks, but green are okay too." Eddie-poo? I…oh I am sorry Edward, but I am not letting you forget that one. He shrugged slightly, letting me know that he heard me.

Rosalie was explaining everything to Bella, because humans couldn't hear these things from that far away.

"Wow, I would have never though of that. I am still wearing white ones with the black stripes at the top." Where was Edward getting this mush?

"Really, ME TOOOO!!!" out of no where, she pulls up he pant leg to reveal just what she said was there, a white tube sock with black stripes. Freaky coincidence? She got up from the bench they were sitting on, and starts hopping around on one leg, the tube sock leg up in the air so Edward could get a better view. This lady was almost as bad as the- oh NO GETRUDE IS BACK!!

"Oh, Mr. Pan. Have you talked to the crocodile yet?" She went over to Edward this time.

"Ooooh, Carol is Jealous…" Jazz always knew that kind of stuff. Oh wait, duh.

"Carol…Jealous of that Crazy old bat? As if Either of them stood a chance"

"What is that I feel? Is little Bella a little jealous too?" I couldn't help but laugh. Neither could Emmett and Rose. How could Bella be jealous of an old lady who wanted to date a cartoon crocodile and Carl's tube sock wearing girlfriend? Beats me

_BACK TO EDWARD, CARL, CAROL, AND GERTRUDE:_

"Uhm, I'm sorry ma'am, but the- the crocodile wasn't there. So I didn't get a chance to ask?" Maybe we should get Charlie to take out a restraining order on these people. Were there no other people in the mall? Next thing we know Super Doctor will be back, having finally found whatever he was looking for in his ginormous doctor's bag.

Speak of the Devil, and the Devil shall appear. Out comes Super Doctor, and oh, wow. Well that got rid of the doctor and Gertrude, if you catch my drift. –wink-wink- So now it was just Edward and Carol.

"So, Edward, I was wondering…if you maybe …wanted to go tube sock shopping with me sometime?" Carol, you need a life.

"Oh, I am sorry Carol, but" She looked like she was tearing already. "I was kind of only talking to you , because well… I was wondering if you could get me a date with Carl."

"A DATE WITH CARL!!?!! YOU ONLY TALKED TO ME BECAUSE YOU WANTED CARL!" This lady was mad. She was turning redder than Bella when she is embarrassed.

"Yah, could you give him this number, and tell him to call anytime? Tell him it's from Edward." Carol slapped Edward right across the face before grabbing the little piece of paper containing his number. Carol grabbed Carl and left

I turned to Jasper. "Jazzy, you didn't tell him to give Carl his number did you?"

"No, I didn't, what if…Eddie really is gay?"

Edward walked over to us with a grin across his face. Why would he be smiling, unless, maybe he really is gay. He turned to the only one of us left to do a dare. Rosalie.

"Truth or Dare, Rosalie?"

"Wait, Edward, Why did you give out your number to them?" Bella was defiantly jealous.

"I didn't. I gave out-" He was cut of by the ring of my cell phone. I picked it up. It was probably Carlisle or Esme.

I flipped it open:

"Eddie-poo, we can still go tube sock shopping if you want" I hung up on Carol.

"EDWARD!!!" He is going to get it…

**What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. **

**I am totally suffering from a serious case of Writer's Block. So this chapter isn't as funny as it should be, and isn't as funny as the others. Don't hate me. Please. And i have NO clue what-so-ever on Rosalie's dare. Any ideas?**

**You must review for me to update. Sorry, but I get all these story alerts, and favorite story adds but barely any reviews**. **I hate it too, but I'm not as smiley as I would like.**

**Jasper's Singer is discontinued until further notice.**

**Reviews make me smile**

**[Come on, the button is write there**


	9. shun the bad author

**Guys, I am sooo sorry for another authors note, but I must let you know something. I am having the hugest case of writer's block on the planet right now. I have re-written the chapter quite a few times and it stinks. It is worse than the last chapter, and it is much worse.**

**I refuse to put the next chapter up until it is somewhat decent. That may take a while. I am soo ridiculously sorry, words cannot explain it. I feel terrible for making you guys wait. Forgive me?**

**Anyway, I think the main reason I can't write good, is the dare. I have received a TON of amazing dare suggestions, but none of them are…"my style". They are really good, but, I just cant write them out, you know? Even if you don't, I will try my hardest to get the next chapter out soon. But don't expect a chapter out over the Thanksgiving weekend, because I have tons of family things to do. But i migh end up updating, it depends on when the next chpater is good.**

**Anyway, I will still take more dares, if you guys don't hate me enough to send them in. I really appreciate all of them, and I am soo sorry that I cant use all of them (or in this case any of them). ****I may not use your dare, exactly, but I will take bits and pieces and make my own dare. **

**Again, I am soo sorry, that I don't even deserve for the Volturi to do away with me.**

**melissa**


	10. Chapter 8

Anything is Possible in the Mall [previously was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl, Carol, and Gertrude though…**

**Sorry that this chapter is late, but yesterday was my grandfather's birthday so I had to go over to his house. On top of that I had the insane amount of homework my teacher's give me. Basically, I had no time.**

**I am very sorry and I hope this chapter makes up for it.**

**This chapter is dedicated to the very amazing: Vampire Crayons. She gave me the first suggestion for Rosalie's dare. Unfortunately I couldn't use it. But she still gets credit anyway/**

**Now, the dare I have was sent in by a LOT of people. Like more than fifteen. So thanks to all who suggested it. Virtual high five's for you all.**

**This chapter stinks. I can't write well right now, and I needed to move on in the plot. YES, there is a plot, this isn't just a stupid dare story. Okay… it is a stupid dare story, but I have thought out what happens after this.**

**You are probably bored from all my talking, so, back to the good stuff: **

**Enjoy.**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_Truth or Dare, Rosalie?"_

**Rosalie POV**

This shouldn't be that bad. I mean its not like I have done anything terrible to Edward or Bella… today.

**Alice POV**

I didn't get a chance to do anything extremely mean…yet. I am not letting him forget it.

Anyway, Eddie didn't run away or anything, because he knew we were in a mall and I couldn't do anything to him. I wanted to get back at him soo badly. I was never going to stop getting calls from Carol until I changed my number. So I purposely thought bad things to him. Me and Jazzy, Em and Rose, Bella, and to really get him disturbed……. Carlisle and Esme. That did not make him very happy. So anyway, to get away from my creepy mind-ranting, and back to Rosalie's dare.

"Dare, Eddie-poo. What did you think I was going to do, chicken out?"

"No, of course not, but, can I ask one question first?" All eyes went from Rosalie, to Edward, the back to Rosalie. The tension, building. Okay, it wouldn't be building if it wasn't for Jasper. But really, if you have a gift, its cruel not to use it. Duh.

"Jasper, gosh, stop it!" Edward, will deal with it… "No, really, Rose, have you ever tried being, you know…nice?" She looked as if he had slapped her. The only thing that came to mine : BURNNN!! Edward laughed at my momentary childish thoughts. Okay, not exactly momentary, but it did make him laugh.

"I don't know Eddie, have you ever tried, you know, not being a prude?" Wow, she was not happy. "Just hurry up and give me a dare already."

"Well, Rosalie…" Edward was definitely enjoying the suspense Rosalie was under. Jasper, well, he was another story… "You… have… to …" Could he drag this out any longer?

"Just tell us already!" Rosalie couldn't take it anymore, and neither could Jasper, all this emotion was not doing him any good.

"Okay, Rosalie, you have to dye your hair pink and green and keep it for a week. Then you have to let Jasper cut it with a… a, uhm hole puncher! Then you have to call back the number on Alice's cell and talk to Carol, set up a date with Carl, then kiss him. And you have to be wearing a either a trash bag, or clothes that Bella picks out." Dye her hair? Then cut it with a hole puncher? Then talk to Carol? A date with Carl? A trash bag? Who has the childish thoughts now, Eddie? Who has the childish thoughts now…

"Fine, any specifics? And I will wear the trash bag." Will the cattiness ever stop?

"Not really."

"Okay, then …here goes nothing."

Rosalie walked into the nearest salon, Regis, and sat down. "Do I have to let Jasper dye my hair too?" I really hoped not. She would never forgive Jazz for ruining her precious hair. I would really be afraid to be around if everything didn't go smoothly. And I definitely didn't want to be around if Rose couldn't return her hair back to normal.

"Uhm, I don't know, what do you think Bella?"

"Don't drag me into this! I am not going to have Rosalie yelling at me again. Don't give me that look Edward Anthony Masen Cullen." Bella was turning whisper-yelling into an art. She had skillz…

"Fine, Bella. Alice, what do you think?" What should I say? If I said yes, let Jazz do her hair, I would be on the floor laughing! Jasper, although I love him, has no hairdressing skills what-so-ever. But then I would have to face the wrath of an angry Rosalie. Not cool. I decided to go with the safe answer

"Just let her do her own hair." Just make sure it is permanent dye, Eddie.

In the next twenty minutes, Rose's hair went from the perfect wavy, blond, middle of the back length hair to a pink mess with green highlight. Wow, maybe we should have let Jazzy do her hair.

"You still have to cut it Rosalie." Edward was in for it now, which basically translated to: Good-bye Bella.

Jasper approached a fuming Rosalie, sitting in a salon chair. He held three hole punchers that he "borrowed" –wink-wink- from Staples. One (the pink one, and my personal favorite) made heart shaped holes. The second one (the green one, it was the exact same color green as Rosalie's hair. Jasper better be careful or he will end up losing that bad boy) made star shaped holes. The third and last, was the most boring. It was a brown one that made, well, hole shaped holes.

Jasper looked back at me, and all of a sudden I felt extremely nervous. "Its, okay Jasper, just do it." Hopefully my words were a little bit reassuring.

"You better not mess up my wife's hair Jasper" OMC! I had never, in my 80+ years of living with him, had I heard that tone from Emmett. I didn't even know he could get that mad. Now, I felt calm. Jasper must be trying to calm Emmett (and Rosalie) down.

"Okay Rose, I am just going to take a little bit off. Do you have any preferences as to which hole puncher I should use?"

"Just pick one, I want to get this over with."

If you have ever seen one of those cheesy barber shop movies, when the hairdresser is cutting hair at like 60 miles per hour, then you know what Jasper looked like trying to cut Rosalie's hair. It was not a pretty sight. Jasper was using his vampspeed (vampire speedyness) to get this over with as fast as possible. When he was done, he turns the styling chair around to show us his masterpiece.

"Wellah!" **( A/N I don't know French, so don't judge. Just sound it out, okay?)** "No, wait, I am not done yet!"

Jasper does another one of those vampspeed things and next thing I know, Rose's hair is in messed up braid like things. Jasper really got into it.

Now it was the second part of the dare. Calling Carol…fun. Rosalie dialed the number and waited patiently as it rang once, twice, three times

"Hello?"

"Uhm, Hey, Carol, this is Rosalie Hale."

"Sorry, but I don't know anyone by the name of Rosalie."

"Would it help if I said I was Edward's adoptive sister?"

"Edward? EDWARD CULLEN?" she was one crazed fan girl. "Has he asked you to tell me that he has changed his mind and wants to go tube sock shopping? Because if he did, then my answer is yes. A thousand times yessss."

"Uhm , Carol, I am extremely sorry, but I actually called, for Carl." In the background she can here "What is so fascinating about Carl?!" All of a sudden you hear a faint "Oww, Carol!" and the sound of a phone bouncing off something and hitting the ground.

after a pause

"Hello, this is Carl."

"Hey, Carl, this is Rosalie Hale."

"Yah, so what's up?"

"Actually, I was wondering how far away you were from the mall."

"I am in the parking garage why? Does Edward want to hang out?" What is with people's fascination with Edward. Poor little Eddie looked like he was going to puke.

"No, uhm, I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out, with me, like, right now" Rosalie looked a little green (if it's possible for a vampire to get green)

"Oh, are you the tall blond chick?" he was very sensitive toward women.

"Uhm, yah?"

"I will meet you in the foodcourt in like, half an hour." He must have though he hung up because we hear him scream like a little girl. "OhMeGosh! Carol, a real date with a real girl!!"

"Am I not a real girl CARl?" whoops, he's in trouble.

Anyway, Edward gave Rosalie her trashbag, and got a death glare from Emmett, not that he would die (again). We all started to walk out of the salon we were in, just as one of the hairdressers who worked there entered, back from her lunch break I guess. She looked a little scared (by Emmett's muscles) and was trying to play it cool in a feeble attempt to flirt (with Edward ;)

We were walking down toward the food court when all of a sudden, we here a siren, kind of like the kidde fire truck toys.

"Put your hands in the air! We got you surrounded."

We put turned around, not putting up our hands because it was kinda foolish, and saw two…

Guess who it was. Gertrude? No.

Super Doctor? Not him.

Carol, back for Edward?

Carl, back for Edward?

Not them either.

A dude dressed as Peter Pan?

Why would you even think that?

It was a pair of mall cops. Yah that's right, we were going to get arrested by some mall cops. Carlisle and Esme are going to flip. Well, they would if the found out, that is.

"You are coming with us…"

**What do you think? Good? Bad? Is it worth writing more? You tell me. **

**A very lengthy one if I do say so myself…**

**Review me an I will send you a picture that is pretty close to what Rosalie's hair looks like. Only if you review will I send you the link! It isn't exactly what Rose's hair looked like, but it's a close as I could find.**

**Jasper's Singer is discontinued until further notice.**

**Reviews make me smile**

**[Come on, the button is write there**


	11. Chapter 9

Anything is Possible in the Mall [previously was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl, Carol, and Gertrude though…**

**100+ reviews!**

**Happy Thanksgiving!**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_You are coming with us…"_

Alice POV 

Dang, we had to walk at a slower pace than normal, even slower than our human pace. Rosalie and I tried our hardest to "work our magic" on the dude cop into letting us slide. It started to work, but his partner slapped him and he regained focus. Jasper was trying to confuse him (it didn't work) but got waves of jealousy from the lady cop.

Edward, much to Bella's reluctance, tried to "dazzle" the lady cop. Emmett and Jasper even helped, but this lady wouldn't budge. Maybe she was gay…

"Alice, how could you not have seen this?" Edward was pretty good at whisper-yelling too…

"I. Am. Sorry. Eddie. I can't see everything. You. Will. Just. Have. To. Deal!" How can he honestly expect me to see _everything?_ I don't know, that's is why I asked.!

We entered the "jail" through a door. (duh, there is always a door) The jail cells (which actually ended up being oversized dog cages) were on the opposite wall, and were visible form every point in the room. There was a small room on the left , which was the bathroom. Outside of the door way were boxes with pictures of toilets on them. I guessed they were installing a new toilet. Emmett obviously guessed the same because he said:

"I guess I will just have to break it in later!" Eww, bad mental picture.

"Emmett, you know you can't … 'break it in'." Emmett glared at Jasper for ruining his fun. The "mall cops" (ooo, scary!) ushered us into the cell. They weren't exactly gentle and they kinda hurt Bella, which sent them death glares coming from Edward's direction.

"Immature much?" will he ever start acting his age, well not his real age, his physical age?

"Emmett started it!"

"I wasn't talking to you Jazz." But maybe I should have been…

"Ha-ha, Jasper! Alice thinks you are immature!" He sounded like a kindergartner who found one of his classmates coloring on the wall **( A/N bad experience, don't ask…)**

"SHUT UP EDDIE!"

"Hey, you hoodlums, cut that out!" The coop looked more like a greasy fast food worker than a cop. **(A/N#2 there is nothing wrong with being a fast food worker, if you are one. Its another stereotype, I am sorry.[I am not exactly old enough to work so I wouldn't know…).** "What is your home phone number? Come on, hurry it up, we don't have all day!"

Edward looked at me, and I nodded. I foresaw Carlisle and Esme having fun with us, not being mad. Edward gave them the number and they dialed. The explained to our parents that we were seen "repeatedly disrupting mall activity, were rude to shoppers, supposedly broke someone' heart (We all internally cursed Carol), stole, and broke into a hair salon and abused products." We all looked toward Rosalie's monster of a hair, and let out a small giggle. She noticed and whacked half of us on the back of the head.

"Hey, kids" the lady cop was glaring at us. "Your parents will be hear in a little bit. Try not to ruin anything else while you are hear, we just got this place renovated."

I looked back toward my family "So, what will we do for the…37 ½ minutes until Carlisle and Esme show up?"

They looked around.

"Uhm, I don't know."

"Thanks for your help Emmett." I rolled my eyes. Basically, For 37 minutes, we did nothing. Rosalie checked her hair, I was looking for our plans afterward. Jazz and Emmett were trying to figure out ways to actually "break in" the toilet. First they were going to use their vampspeed to go and get some pudding ( that was not a good idea...). Then they though about using Bella, which got them a punch from Edward. We were bored out of our brains when an all too familiar face came through the door, and no it wasn't Esme and Carlisle.

"We better not catch you two stalking at this mall EVER AGAIN!!" Carl and Carol were being thrown in the last remaining cell next to us.

"Guys," We all leaned toward Edward, even though Bella was the only one to needed to "They were running around the food court yelling our names. They were jumping over the counters of the mini restaurant things and searching the kitchens screaming 'I FOUND YOU!', hoping you were playing some kind of twisted hide-and-seek. Freaks…"

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Carlisle and Esme broke the laughter. They had a very disapproving look on their faces. According to Edward they were only mad because we were too reckless to get caught. _It could have been worse… _

"Okay, you guys can leave now, but you all have to sign this form" She let us out of the oversized dog cage (I saw Edward buying one that had a big card labeled Jacob on it) and stuck a clipboard in our faces. "Basically it says you won' do anything stupid at this mall for a three week minimum…" Blah, blah, blah. We won't get caught if that counts.

We walked slowly walked out of the 'jail' because Jasper and Emmett wanted to take their time saying mental good-byes to the not so broken in toilet… I didn't even want to know. We weren't completely through the door, actually we weren't even close when

"Guys, seriously, you should know better than to do something stupid" Esme was annoyed, but not mad.

"And you should know better to get caught doing it" Carlisle was struggling to keep a straight face, and with Rosalie's hair being the way it was, it was not easy.

From across the room we could hear the two mall cops talking "wow, they did a lot of stuff."

"I know, I wonder how they did it all and only got caught now."

"Stupid albino freaks, no wonder they have issues, they are retarded albinos!" UHHHH, rude much?

"Did you guys hear that?" I looked around and saw unhappy nods from my family. Bella was having it explained to her because she was too deaf to hear.

"ALICE! Bella is not deaf!" Again with the whisper-yelling. Maybe I should get Eddie some anger management classes for his 107th birthday… "Alice! Anger Management? Are you serious?"

"I don't know Eddie-poo, you are the mind reader!" We were out the door bye now, and I was devising a plan to get back at the stupid mall cops. How dare they insult us? Carlisle beat me too the point.

"Guy, if all the staff at this excuse for a mall acts like those two abominable idiots, then they deserve what they are going to get." Edward laughed and I saw…was that BELLA!?! "Anyway, what were you doing that caused soo much…uhm, disturbance?"

"Truth or dare" Emmett admitted.

"Oh, well, it's not my favorite game, but it will do. This place deserves some ruckus." Did you ever notice that Carlisle's accent makes some of his words sound funny? I have no clue why I just notic-

"Alice, you are so simple minded!" Edward turned to Carlisle. "Alice, just noticed that you have an accent" Everyone laughed, and I am guessing that Carlisle and Esme were rethinking about me and that asylum.

"Uhm, So" Carl, I think I am going to nickname Carlisle, regained his focus. Edward, just, …just shut up! "so, where were you in the game?"

"Well, Rosalie was just in the middle of her dare and"

"And, Uh, Jasper. Did this dare have anything to do with Rosalie's…hair?"

"Yes Esme, I had to cut it with a hole puncher."

"So, I guess we will just finish Rosalie's dare and then start over."

"But I can't finish, Carl and Carol are still locked up in jail, remember?" Rosalie was so happy about this fact.

"Carl and Carol, you mean the two people in the cell next to you?" We nodded and Carlisle looked a little scared. "Well, than can we just act like Rosalie finished her dare?"

Why was Carlisle pushing the game so much? "You really want to play don't you?"

He admitted it, embarrassed "Kinda",

I already knew who Rose was going to dare. It was pretty obvious, even if you can't see the future. She was mad at Edward, so she was going to get back at him by

"Truth or dare Bella?"

**Review Please.**


	12. Chapter 10

Anything is Possible in the Mall [previously was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl, Carol, and Gertrude though…**

**Dedication: -I-luv-Edward-Cullen123 for her genius idea!**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_Truth or dare, Bella?"_

Alice POV 

I cannot wait to see Bella so her dare, I caught a glimpse of it earlier and now I was getting a little on the impatient side. We all turned to Rosalie, and by the look on her face she was giving Edward a _hard_ time, and it was only going to get worse.

"So…Bella" she spat her words, she was in a good mood. "You have to… dress up like Britney Spears and…sing toxic to him with all the dance moves!" That would explain my otherwise disturbing vision. This also meant…SHOPPING!

"Okay, Bella, you know we are going to have to go shopping for your outfit, and you can't object because it will be counted as part of the dare" I put on my puppy-dog face and stuck out my lower lip. She caved.

"Fine, Alice, you can take me shopping" She turned around. "So, Edward, we wil-…Edward?" Edward was sitting, shocked and trance like. If he was going to act like this when he heard about Bella's dare, then he would end up having a heart attack when Bella followed through with it.

This will be something I won't want to forget. Oh, duh, I have the video camera still in my bag. I can tape it and play it for everyone late-

"You wouldn't!"

"Yes I would Eddie. Don't be a party pooper, you know you will end up watching it later anyway. You will probably take the tape and hide it for future use…Hey, Jazz? Remind me to check Eddie's CD collection when we get home, he probably has lots of things hidden in there…" Everyone burst out laughing, Jasper nodded, Bella turned bright read, and Eddie-poo looked like he wanted to go crawl under a rock and die. I guess that meant I was right?

"Anyway, Alice and I will be back with a bunch of outfits for you to try on, and we will pick the best one!" Rosalie seemed a little excited now. She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the nearest skimpy clothing store…

Bella POV 

This is not going to end well…

Rosalie and Alice just took off to find me a skimpy outfit for my recreation of Toxic. I have seen the video and, wow, was Britney wearing any clothes at all? I have also heard the song, Jessica was singing it that night when we went to Port Angeles, and it was PROVOCATIVE! Rosalie must really hate me.

I was stuck with Edward, Carlisle, Esme and the idiot twins, Emmett and Jasper. All I could understand from their hushed conversation was something about pudding. Probably still finding ways to break in the toilet in the mall jail…

Edward looked a like he was still in shock. I didn't look that bad in a Britney outfit, did I? I hope not, well, Edward will have to deal with it anyway. I mean really, we are going to be married for Carlisle's sake. How will he make it through the honeymoon? He better not back out on his end of the deal…

Carlisle was trying to talk to Eddie, it wasn't going very well.. Esme came over to me.

"Don't worry Bella, I will steal the tape for you so you can destroy it however you want."

"Thanks Esme, that's really nice. Do you think you can burn a CD?"

"You can burn just about anything, honey"

Just then Alice and Rosalie cam back, wow, that was fast!

Alice POV 

We were in Victoria's Secret, which was still mannequin-less thanks to Jasper. They lady who touched his leg was back, and she was looking around for…

"Alice, faster! We can't leave Bella alone for very long, Edward will find some way to get them both out of this! Faster!!!!" She started flinging the kind of clothes Jazz was wearing earlier into a bag, she looked kind of psychotic. "FASTER ALICE, I KNOW YOU CAN MOVE FASTER! WE STILL HAVE TO TEACH BELLA THE DANCE MOVES!!"

By now, many people were staring at us. I have to admit, when you see someone as pretty as Rose walk in with that kind of hair, it is a crime not to stare. But I didn't want to get Rosalie any madder. She was starting to scare me…

We grabbed the bags and rushed to find the rest of our family, well, exactly where we left them. Jasper and Emmett were in a corner, plotting something devious by the looks on their faces. Will they just give up on that stupid toilet already? Carlisle was trying to break Eddie from his trance by repeatedly slapping him in the face. Over and over and over and over and over again. Bella and Esme were talking about

"HEY, YOU GUYS WILL NOT STEAL THIS TAPE! I WILL MAKE ZILLIONS OF COPIES IF I HAVE TO!"

"Angry much, Alice?"

"Its not funny Emmett, and you kinda just sounded like a girl" Emmett looked embarrassed, and covered his mouth. Like that will keep him shut up for very long…

"And what are you laughing at _Eddie-poo_?" Emmett was really angry. I hoped Edward wouldn't rat me out and make him angrier.

"Oh nothing, just Alice's stupidity" Thanks Edw- HEY, NOT COOL EDDIE-POO!

That only brought more giggles from Edward. Yes, I mean giggles. Girly, wimpy, feminine giggles. That made him stop. BURN!!

"Anyway, Bella, come with Alice and me, and we will teach you the dance!" Rosalie grabbed both Bella's and my arm and dragged is into the public restroom. Great, more toilets for Emmett and Jazz to break in…

We taught her everything. And we went over it so many times that she should be able to do the dance in her sleep. She couldn't mess is up. I think it was so easy because, basically Bella just had to look sexy for Edward. And Edward finds her pretty sexy, pretty much all the time.

Next we taught her the lyrics. Surprisingly Bella can sing, really well. Then, outfit time. We gave her these matching dark blue lingerie set. And then there was a matching dark blue babydoll to cover up what didn't need to be seen by anyone but Eddie.

We came out, and Edward's eyes widened. You didn't need to be a mind reader to figure out what was going through his head…

Bella came up to him, already turning a funky shade of burgundy, and put her arms around his neck, dragged him back to the fountain in the middle of the mall, then started to sing.

_Baby, can't you see  
I'm calling  
A guy like you  
Should wear a warning  
It's dangerous  
I'm fallin'_

Bella was starting to gather a crowd. Mainly guys who were interested in staring. They even started to throw money. Oh no, they started throwing change. That worked out so well the last time.__

There's no escape  
I can't wait  
I need a hit  
Baby, give me it  
You're dangerous  
I'm lovin' it

Too high  
Can't come down  
Losing my head  
Spinning 'round and 'round  
Do you feel me now

Bella was tomato red, but still kept singing. Edward looked…like he was enjoying this. Did he not notice the mob of dude who were throwing money and checking out his fiancée? __

With a taste of your lips  
I'm on a ride  
You're toxic I'm slipping under  
With a taste of a poison paradise  
I'm addicted to you  
Don't you know that you're toxic  
And I love what you do  
Don't you know that you're toxic

Bella was working her stuff, she was doing some. thing. on . the ground. Wait, I don't remember teaching her that one. Oh well, you can't convict a person for reaching their inner popstar!__

It's getting late  
To give you up  
I took a sip  
From my devil's cup  
Slowly  
It's taking over me

OHH CRAPP! I forgot to tape this!!! Noooooooooo! I pulled out my video camera and started to film. Edward will thank me later.

__

Too high  
Can't come down  
It's in the air  
And it's all around  
Can you feel me now

With a taste of your lips  
I'm on a ride  
You're toxic I'm slipping under  
With a taste of a poison paradise  
I'm addicted to you  
Don't you know that you're toxic  
And I love what you do  
Don't you know that you're toxic

Emmett looked like he was constipated, he was trying too hard to keep his laughter in.__

Don't you know that you're toxic

[x2  
With a taste of your lips  
I'm on a ride  
You're toxic I'm slipping under  
With a taste of a poison paradise  
I'm addicted to you  
Don't you know that you're toxic

Intoxicate me now  
With your lovin' now  
I think I'm ready now  
I think I'm ready now  
Intoxicate me now  
With your lovin' now  
I think I'm ready now

By now, we were all on the floor, rolling and laughing, pounding the ground like a little kid throwing a tantrum. They mob of hormone-crazed guys were…drooling? Eddie was not happy, and neither was Bella. She was bright red, a combination of anger and embarrassment. There was only one thing for her to do…

"Truth or dare Emmett?"

**Sorry it wasn't that funny. I am just not in a funny mood right now, I have a cold '[**

**Review Please.**


	13. Chapter 11

Anything is Possible in the Mall [previously was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl, Carol, and Gertrude though…**

**Sorry about all the singing, but I am pretty sure this will be the last chapter with a good amount of song in it. You might also want to listen to the song while reading, I am told it makes the story better!**

**Attack of the writer's block :(**

**Dedication: rocksmysocks for just being awesome!**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_Truth or dare, Emmett?"_

Alice POV 

Emmett was going to get it! Bella hit a new anger high! This was bound to be funny…

"Hmm…Emmett" Bella looked like one of those evil geniuses. If she had a goatee or a mustache, she would definitely be running her fingers through it. **(A/N just try to imagine: Bella with an evil mustache…)** "Emmett you have to go into that costume store, buy a blond Hannah Montana wig and outfit, the dance around the fountain singing Nobody's Perfect."

If Emmett could cry, he would have now. He hated to have the girlie dares. Yet he always seemed to get them. Maybe he got them because he hated them so much, like why we call Edward, Eddie or Eddie-poo. Hmm……

Emmett came out with a blond mid-length wig, a pink sequin tunic shirt, black leggings and ridiculously high heels. He was going to fall more than Bella does.

"Bella, I hate you right now. I hope you know that!" Emmett spat the words in her face as he made his way toward the fountain.

"I know, Emmie, but it was just to funny." Emmie? Bella was going to call him Emmie? Oh well, I can just add it to the list of nicknames for people in this family. I turned around to find Carlisle giggling. What is up with the men in this family? Can't the chuckle or something else manly?

Emmett glared at Bella, then stepped up on the wall of the fountain and cleared his throat. Everybody was open-mouthed. I would be too if I saw a 6'5 buff guy in leggings and heels. The mob was back, and weirdly most of them were … guys?

Eww.

Hi opened his mouth and out cam the , is that even Emmett singing? Why would the voice be so girly and high pitched? Oh…wow. Emmett was a girl in disguise. I wonder how that is going to go over with Rosalie?

_Everybody makes mistakes...  
Everybody has those days...  
1,2,3,4!_

Emmett walked over to a fan of his and stroked her face **(A/N my friends know what I am talking about, whenever I sing I oddly do this…)**

(x2)  
Everybody makes mistakes,  
Everybody has those days.  
Everybody know's what, what I'm talking 'bout,  
Everybody gets that way.  


Rosalie was getting mad, most of the guys in the mob were walking away, leaving mostly teenage hormonal girls throwing their undergarments at him. If she was a cartoon, She would have steam coming out of her ears. Wait, was that already happening?

_  
Sometimes I'm in a jam,  
I gotta make a plan,  
It might be crazy,  
I do it anyway.  
No way to know for sure,  
I figure out a cure,  
I'm patching up the holes,  
But then it overflows. _

If I'm not doin' too well... (clap clap, clap)  
Won't be so hard on myself...  


Emmett was going up and down the wall of the fountain, strutting his stuff. He grabbed an ice cream cone from a little girl and started to use it as a microphone. He stumbled in his crazy heels and ended up getting ice cream all over his face.

_  
Nobody's perfect!  
I gotta work it!  
Again and again til I get it right.  
Nobody's perfect!  
You live and you learn it!  
And if I mess it up sometimes,  
Nobody's perfect...  
_

I better tape this one too, I wouldn't want to forget this. It was too hilarious…

_  
Sometimes I work a scheme,  
But then it flips on me.  
Doesn't turn out how I planned,  
Get stuck in quicksand.  
No problem, can be solved..  
Once I get involved!  
I try to be delicate,  
Then crash right into it!  
But my intentions are good (yeah yeah yeah!)  
Sometimes just miss-understood...  
_

People were throwing change at him. Did everyone in this mall have pockets full of change that they carried around. I mean, come on. Emmett must have been pelted with a hundred dollars by now. And that doesn't even begin to cover what Bella had collected. (Okay, she didn't really collect it, but the bottom of this fountain will be richer than Donald Trump if these people don't stop)

_  
Nobody's perfect!  
I gotta work it!  
Again and again til I get it right.  
Nobody's perfect! _

You live and you learn it!  
And if I mess it up sometimes,  
Nobody's perfect!  
I gotta work it!  
I know in time I'll find the way,  
Nobody's perfect...

Sometimes I fix things up,  
And they fall apart again,  
(Nobody's perfect...)  
I know I mix things up,  
But I always get it right in the end.. (You know I do!)

Talking:  
Next time you feel like,  
It's just one of those days,  
When you just can't seem to win.  
If things don't go the way that you guys planned,  
Figure something else out!  
Don't stay down!  
Come on everybody... Try again!...

(x2)  
Everybody makes mistakes,  
Everybody has those days.  
Everybody know's what, what I'm talking 'bout,  
Everybody gets that way.

Nobody's perfect!  
I gotta work it!  
Again and again til I get it right.  
Nobody's perfect!  
You live and you learn it!  
And if I mess it up sometimes,  
Nobody's perfect!  
I gotta work it!  
I know in time I'll find the way,  
Nobody's perfect,  
I gotta work it,  
'Cos everybody makes mistakes..

Nobody's perfect.  
Nobody's! Perfect!  
No No!  
NOBODY'S PERFECT!...  


Emmett was starting to tumble, maybe those heels weren't a good idea... he was falling over and…OH NO!

HAHAHA, He fell over, into the fountain.!! Splashing just about everyone within ten feet of him. All of a sudden a big booming voice yells

"Help! HELP!! I CAN'T SWIM!!!! HELP ME, I'M GUNNA DROWN!! ROSE SAVE ME!" Emmie can't swim? Haha, and I got it on tape.

Rosalie and Carlisle ran over quickly trying to quiet Emmett down before the mall cops came back. Emmie was flailing his arms and legs around, even though the water was about two feet deep. He kept screaming that he was going to drown. We were doubled over trying not to burst from all this laughter. Issues much? Despite all this, he still had "fans" from his performance.

Some girl came up to him and… asked him to sign her thigh? Could this mall get any more disturbing? First the weird people who seem to stalk us, then Super Doctor (**A/N you rock Super Doctor!!)**, then the lady who has "issues" with mannequins, and the mall cops, and the weirdo autograph lady. _Mental Note: __**NEVER**__ come back to this mall!!_

After Emmett dried off (with the mildly creepish disturbing help of Rosalie. Bad images. I had to look away, and so did most of the mall go-ers.) He turned to Bella and glared. Edward already knew Emmett was out to get him.

"What do I have to do Emmett?"

**Short one, I am sorry. It's not that funny either. Still have that cold :[**

**Any ideas on a dare for dearest Eddie?**

**Review Please. I have 5700+ hits and only 139 reviews. Do you see anything wrong with that picture? I will not update until I have a reasonable amount. Like … well when I scream because you guys love me enough to actually review! (around six or seven reviews )**

**PS I do know that 139 is a TON of reviews!! You guys are amazing, but by looking at the stats, you guys could be so much more amazing! ( i am not trying to be mean in any way, at all, i am just sayin... )**

**anway, i will update soon!**


	14. Chapter 12

Anything is Possible in the Mall [was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot. To my regret, I don't own any of these super duper characters. In my dreams…well that's a different story. I do own Carl, Carol, and Gertrude though…**

Dedication: Chorusip, Super Doctor, and all of my ah-mazing reviewers! Also to David M. (yes him) even though he doesn't know it. He gave me the idea when I randomly thought of him being Manzo Bond in fifth grade. Well, I thought of it today, but it happened in fifth grade. 

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_What do I have to do?"_

Alice POV 

Edward was going to get it! Well, maybe not… I mean Emmie did get to spend that "time" with Rosalie when they were "drying off". But then again, Emmett did fall in fountain and almost_ drown_. Never mind the creepy people who were stalking him as his fans. Who knows, maybe Emmett would be nice?

"Soo, Eddie-poo. I think you should…" He rubbed his chin in that evil sort of 'I am thinking' way. "You have to… wear a donkey outfit, and a stripper outfit, _at the same time!_, and give random people lap dances." Okay, maybe Emmett wouldn't be that nice… "No, wait… You have to go around and be

"EMMETT, NO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!" All of a sudden I got a weird image of Edward, rolling on the ground, holding his hands like a gun, like…like James Bond.

Emmett was a diabolical evil genius. Okay, I lied, Emmett was diabolical and evil. Genius…well I don't know about that just yet. Edward laughed, and Emmett glared at me.

"What?" I asked, seriously what did he think I did?

"You though something that made Eddie-poop over here laugh!"

"It's EDDIE-POO!… I mean, its Edward"

We all stared. If Edward could have blushed, he would have. He was almost going to run out of the mall, and hide in his precious Volvo, but he changed his mind. Bella would not appreciate him leaving her all alone.

"So, _Eddie-poo_, that is you new name, just so ya know. You are going to have to do it. Do you want me to share it with the class?"

"NO!" Eddie said it a little too quickly. It must be a James Bond thing. Ever since the 60's Eddie had been afraid of James Bond. He ran around the house screaming like a little kid saying 'NO, James Bond is going to get me!'. Every time Carlisle would try to talk to him Edward would kick him in the shins (yes, I am not making this up, Eddie was very immature.) and yell at him because 'all his girlyfriends hide guns for him to use in their under clothing! He will massacre me to death!'. No joke, he really did this. For about two weeks straight. And then he does this for about 4 or 5 days after anyone decides to watch James Bond movie. Moral of the story, Edward and James Bond don't mix, and you won't find any Bond movies at the Cullen's.

I was speechless, so I just started laughing. Edward glared in my direction. He was very angry at Emmie for doing this to him.

"Fine, Emmett. I will do it. And yes, I will sing the theme song." Edward took a deep breath. Jasper shot me a worried glance. All the nerves from Edward must be making Jazz crazy! "Here goes nothing"

Edward walked about two feet, to the door of a furniture store, and had his back against the left wall. He peeked around the corner with his hands held together to form a gun shape. Bella was going to have him committed if someone didn't tell her what was going on. I turned to face her as Edward was slowly inching forward with his "gun" out in front.

"Bella, Edward has to be James Bond." She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Then why did he scream, I mean, really, He got a pretty good dare."

"Edward has some…issues, with James Bond." She just stared, probably wondering why anyone would have taken me out of that asylum. But I don't know exactly, because who can read minds? Not me.

I told Bella about Edward's James Bond "sensitivity". She was trying not to burst out laughing at him, but at the same time, was kind of worried. Really, who is afraid of James Bond? He's the good guy.

Anyway, back to Eddie-poop. He was still going forward. He was almost to the edge of the door then

"Duuhhhh, da duh da da!" Edward was signing the theme song **(A/N I have no clue what the real theme song is, I didn't have time to look it up & my computer speakers broke, so I kinda based it on the Simpson's Theme for some random reason.)** He moved into the space where the door was and spy rolled across the floor. He put his back against the wall and had his arms out. He slowly strutted into the store, heading straight for the check out counter, but then decided to take a little detour.

He was looking really scared, he didn't want to say what he had to say next. He looked around slowly, pulling away the curtains of the dressing stalls, only to a very startled and screaming customer and a weird one who somewhat enjoyed being found half dressed in a dressing room. That freak made Edward scream…

He finally walked over to the very disturbed cashier. I mean, really, she was disturbed. She is going to need years of therapy to get over seeing that freak from the dressing rooms. I don't blame her, I may need to wash out my eyes with some soap. Anyway, Eddie walked up to the counter, and leaned on it.

"The name's Bond. Eddie… Bond." The girl's eyes lit up. Was that supposed to sound flirtatious? Well, lets say I hope I don't use all of the soap washing my eyes, I am gunna need it later.

"Oh, hello. I'm Brown. Beulah Lou Brown." This girl had the _thickest_ southern accent I had ever heard. Worse than Jazz's when I first met him! Even worse than Emmett's! **(A/N Emmett is from Tennessee in case you didn't know. I don't know if they have an accent but we can pretend for now.)** What kind of name was Beulah anyway?

"Why, Hello Beulah. Have you seen evil afoot?" Evil Afoot, what was he, Mermaid Man? We are going to have a "talk" later, and it might involve me strapping him to a chair and making him watch non-Bond action movies…

"Oh, well, uhm" She was flustered. More "dazzling" I suppose. Bella couldn't take it. She walked in the store. And went up to Edward.

"Oh, Eddie, uhm, what do you think you are doing?" She said in this girly, inhumanly sweet voice. Emmett, master of retardedly slow reflexes, just realized that Bella was completely ruining the dare.

"Bella, what are you doing, you are killing Eddie-poo's dare! Come on! It was just starting to get good. Edward lack of smooth-ness is so funny to watch!"

"Emmett, I am very smooth!"

"No you not!'

"Yes I am!"

"No yur not!"

"Yes I am!"

"Nu-uh"

"ya-huh"

"Nu-uh"

"Ya-huh"

I couldn't take it anymore "GUYS!!!"

"It was Edward!"

"IT WAS EMMETT!"

"EDWARD!"

"EMMETT"

"BEULAH!"

This was ridiculous. "Now, that all the immature bickering is over, can we get on with the dare." Edward glared at me.

"Yes mom" Ooo, He mocked moms. He is going to get it as soon as I tell Esme…

"You wouldn't!" He looked truly frightened. Esme may seem all nice and warm and caring, but if you made her mad…well lets just say you might want to leave the room, or the state.

"Wait, this was all a dare?" Did she just realize it now? We must have said it was three or four times now. There is a new master of retardedly slow reflexes. I just hope Emmett won't be depressed about being demoted.

"YES, this was just a dare. But now it is a stupid fight between my stupid husband and my stupid brother!" Rosalie couldn't handle the stupidity either. If dumb-ness was food we would all need our fat pants. _Not that I have any, if that's what you are thinking!_

"Guys, let's just go and move ON!" I felt waves of calm wash over me. I have to remember to thank Jasper later.

We all were walking out when I hear a **WHACK!** I turned around to see Bella slapping that Beulah lady and yelling

"Leave Edward Alone! He is my fiancé and if you bother us again I will not be afraid to get a RESTRAINING ORDER!"

Bella turned toward us, tomato red.

"Way to go Bella! Don't leave me hanging!" Emmett held out his hand so Bella could high five him. She was kind of creeped out. "Come on, don't leave a brotha' **(A/N You know, how the gangsters say it. Wow that mad no sense)** hangin'"

Jasper stared at him "Emmie, you are not a brotha' and no matter how hard you try, you will never be a brotha'" Emmett looked like he was about to cry as we exited the store.

"Jasper, you hurt my feelings." He said it in the whiny baby-ish voice. All of a sudden he grabbed a drink from the nearest random shopper and splashed it on his face.

"Oh, crap, that was hot coffee!" he muttered and tried to wipe it from his face. The he grabbed another drink, this time making sure it was water and splashed it on his face. "See, Jasper, I am crying. What are you gunna do about that?"

Jasper was in shock. "Uhm, I'm sorry?"

"Say it like you mean it…"

"I'm sorry Emmett"

"Now tell me I'm a brotha'"

"You're a brotha'"

"Good."

Eddie butted in "Uh, let's get back to the game…" he looked around. Emmett was slightly sad looking that he couldn't make Jazz say more good stuff about him. "Uhm, Carlisle, Truth or dare?"

**Emmett has issues…**

**YAY!! No more cold! Sorry it's not that funny, but use your imaginations, make it funny! Just kidding **

**Dares for Carlisle anyone?**

**Reviews? Please? With a cherry on top?**


	15. Chapter 13

Anything is Possible in the Mall [was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I do own everything. And now I need to go get fitted for my strait jacket……**

**Sorry this chapter is late, but I had a mountain of homework (on forensic sciences?), CCD, my mom yelling at me to go for a walk, and writer's block at the same time. I just couldn't write, I am sorry. I hope you still like the chapter, and forgive me for being late.**

Dedication: GiantKilleress, she gave me this suggestion for Edward, but, well I am obviously using it for Carlisle. This g is talented! Also, I would like to dedicate yet another chapter to the amazing Super Doctor, cuz, duhh, she is amazing.! And I know Maya and Regan want to have a chapter for themselves too, so heres to my buds. 

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_Uhm, Carlisle, truth or dare?_

APOV 

Carlisle looked utterly shocked that Edward picked him. And if I hadn't seen it coming a split second before, I would have been shocked too. Normally, he should have picked Rosalie, but maybe he didn't want to make her feel any worse than the hair situation she is in.

Edward looked around. Purposely avoiding Carlisle's stare. A death glare was radiating from my 'father'. Daggers, I tell you, Daggers! He was probably mentally telling Edward that he would be grounded for a decade if he gets a bad dare. Well, I will make him my barbie doll for a decade if he sissies out and gives Carlisle an easy dare. Hear that Eddie-poop? A decade of Makeovers. Bella will be so ecstatic that it's not her.

EPOV 

I don't know which is worse. Carlisle or Alice. My father, well, he will ground me for God knows how long. I don't think he will be cruel enough to take away Bella, and leave me in solitary forever, but, who knows? He could do whatever he wanted, that's how parenting works, I guess.

Now, Alice, well she was not a force to be reckoned with. She could get everyone on her side. And I mean everyone, even Bella. All because she has Jasper as her secret weapon. Jazz could make us do anything, we were Jell-O in his hands. And let me tell you, that is not a happy thought.

APOV 

To tell the truth, Eddie looked a little scared. Does a 106-year-old vampire that is scared seem wrong to you? Well it does to me.

"Okay, well" He his nervously scared face changed to guilty as I saw…Carlisle, no wait. Was that Marie Antoinette? And …and Tarzan? What the heck? What was Edward planning? "Sorry, dad, but I think Alice is a little scarier than you , so, uhm…your dare is." Ohh, I got ya. Eddie couldn't make up his mind!

Carlisle glared, obviously not happy that I had more power over Edward than he did. "And what are these two parts, Edward" You could so tell he was forcing the cheerful tone.

"Carlisle, you have to…Uhm. How do I put this? For the first-

"SPIT IT OUT EDDIE-POOP!" Carlisle woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Why is Eddie laughing?

"I am laughing because that line is so completely wrong, its funny."

"Wrong?"

"Well, first of all, we don't wake up. Second, we don't have beds, and Third, you and the rest of the family well know what Carlisle was doing this morning." He turned to look toward Carlisle. "I am pretty sure, the WHOLE TWON OF FORKS knew what you were doing… you were so… so loud."

Eww, I did know what Carlisle was doing this morning. And he was really loud. Why did Edward have to bring that up? None of us wanted that image of our parents…

Bottom line: stuffed animals, rockets, and two vampires don't mix. **(A/N Do I want to know what your sick minds were thinking? Maya…jk) **

"Can we get back to the dare? I want to know what you are going to make my husband do!" Esme was getting a little testy. It may be because we just bashed her rocket fun. O well.

"Fine, well Carlisle, for your dare, you have to go drag…like big wig, puffy 19th century dress, you know, the whole nine yards. Then, hit on random people, of Emmett's choosing!" Emmett sprouted a smile that would have put all the villainous actors to shame.

"You're not kidding, are you?" Do you want to know the feeling you get when you see your dad, well, scared? No you don't want to know.

"Not at all." That smirk is going to add years onto his grounding…

"off to the costume shop…"

We were all waiting outside of the dressing room, waiting for Carlisle to come out. Rose and I did his make-up, and he would come out of this completely 19th century. According to him "He had lived through that time and looked nothing like the people." He had asked how did we think this made these people think. I replied honestly, "Old and stupid." Basically, I got two weeks without shopping when we got home. I hate when his fathering instincts took in.

Carlisle took opened the door to the dressing room. Out came, well, he wasn't my father. He was, some ancient lady with a un-happy frown.

"What now Edward?" Carlisle was not happy.

"Well, that is not up to me, its up to Emmett."

"Wipe that smug grin off your face of I will do it for you!"

"Someone isn't mister happy doctor today"

"SHUT UP JASPER!"

Everyone turned to Emmett, awaiting his decision. He turned to Carlisle internally laughing at whatever he had coming.

"So, Carlisle, while you are in that _ah-mazingggg _outfit, I think it only fair for the rest of us to have some fun"

"Fun?" Carlisle raised one of his eyebrows, the right one. Then the left? The right again? What the heck it he doing? Why is Emmett doing it too?

Bella started laughing "You guys both know that you are competing with each other to see who can raise their eyebrows the best, right?"

Carlisle coughed, trying to regain his doctor-like composure. Emmett looked down. But easily got over his embarrassment.

"So Carlisle, I have decided, that you must go around and…" Edward laughed. I laughed too; this was going to be funny. "You have to go around and grab the butt of the first twenty people you see. No matter what."

"Emmett, you are so cruel to you father" Emmett looked truly sorry…sorta.

"I am sorry Esme"

"I am not the one you should apologize to."

Emmett turned to Carlisle, then back to Esme. "You're kidding right! It's freaking truth or dare for crying out loud! I am sorry, but Carlisle's got to learn to suck it up and fight his own battles." 

I am not kidding, Jasper's, Edward's, Rosalie's, Bella's, Esme's, Carlisle's, and my own mouth must have dropped, about a foot. Did Emmett just insult both Carlisle and Esme, at the same time? WOW that takes skill.

I sensed a tension. I wonder why? "Maybe we should get back to the dare?" I shot a glare at Jazz. He could be helping! Finally he got the hint, and waves of calm washed over the dressing room, where we were still standing.

"Yah, lets go, I wanna see Carlisle grab some buts!" Bella could be so weird sometimes

Eighteen down, two more butts to grab. So far things weren't looking good. At first, Carlisle had no clue what to do, but (no pun intended) by now he was probably a but-grabbing master. That's a really creepy thought just so ya know. I mean really, your dad, a but-grabber? Are you not creeped out?

Anyway, **(A/N AHHHHHHH! That's my secret word for today! And I know that the superlong word below is smushed together. )** Carlisle stepped out of the costume store first. The alarm thing went of, since we kindadidn'tpayforcarlisle'soutfitatall.

So we are running out of the store, the weird store owner is yelling at us to "pay for the goods get back before he calls our parents and mall security" in some weird mixture of accents, Carlisle is still wearing that outfit, Rosalie's hair is getting in the way of everyone's views, and Emmett is yelling at Carlisle to start his dare. So Carlisle does. While running, he goes up behind some lady, grabs her and screams "SQUISHY BUTT!"

We all had to stop running because we were laughing so hard. So the lady turns around, and guess what?

Turns out, it WASN'T A LADY! IT WAS A MAN DRESSED IN A DRESS! (Well either it was man or a really ugly woman) So the "woman" turns around and says, "hay ba-bay" in one of those really cheesy Austin Powers's accents. Creepy much?

Carlisle just stuttered, unsure of how to respond. This was definitely not something he had expected. Heck, I didn't even expect it.

"Uh…uhh…uhh… I got to go!" And Carli took of like a bat out of hell! Seriously, the people around us must have thought he was a freakin track star or something.

The next ten butt grabbings didn't turn out so well either. There were a few yells, some disgusted "UHHH!" 's, two "YOU PERVS!", one "Come on the car is waiting!" (I don't want to get that comment), two cell numbers given out, and overall some very unhappy guys and girls. Esme was not too happy about this either.

So, by now, Carlisle is EXTREMELY grossed out but all the cellulite, and still has two more people to feel. Fun for him! Emmett had come so close to passing out from laughter, and Bella actually did. She hadn't regained consciousness yet, and Edward was off to find enough water to wake her up, at "human speed".

He should be back in 18…17…16…15…14…13…12…11…10 seconds. Carlisle had washed his hands in the nearest bubbler fountain. Someone saw, and then _drank out of the fountain!_ This mall is a freakshow!

Eddie-poop was back, Bella was awake, Carlisle was nervous, Esme was livid, and the rest of us was laughing so hard our sides hurt. Man! This was funny.

"Come on Carli! You have made it this far!"

"Emmett? Did you just call me Carli?"

"UH, DUHH CARLI, WEREN'T YOU LISTENING?"

"Fine _Emmie!"_

"Just so you know, _Carli_, I actually like that name, so HA. How do you like dem apples?"

"UHHH, Emmett you are hopeless…" Carlisle was walking forward, still in his 19th century outfit. There was, I guess she was attractive, but how would I know? I am not qualified to asses weather another girl is hot or not. So he goes up behind her, and well, you know, does his dare, and then starts to walk away, and the girl turns around and returns the favor! Yuppie, she squeezed Mr. Happy Doctor.! Esme was going a weird shade of…pale?

Anyway **(AHHH!)** I was shocked! How could she reach him through his gigantic poofy dress. Well, no matter how, she did it. Carlisle was power walking away from crazy lady #12 ½.

This was his last butt. An elderly woman by the looks of it. He worked his magic and was soo ecstatic that he was finally done, when the lady turned around. And I will give you one guess as to who it is. Okay maybe two.

The smile was wiped off all of our faces, but Carlisle and Esme had no clue. The old lady turned around and immediately recognized us. Gertrude started running toward us when Carlisle asked,

"Rosalie, Truth or dare?"

Sorry for all the tension in the beginning and middle. I hope I didn't screw up too bad. I have been in a melodramatic mood for a while now.

**Please review. I mean, come on, you all know you love me. (Just kidding, not really)**

Hey, if you review I will send you the URL for Carlisle's Dress and hair. They are as close as I could find. And if you don't love me enough to review –tears- then picture the movie Marie Antoinette, but with Carlisle as the lead.


	16. Chapter 14

Anything is Possible in the Mall [was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This isnt even my computer. Sorry if I forgot to send you the URL's for Carlisle's new look. I was replying to the reviews and I totally blanked out for the first five or six. Sorry! You can PM me if you still want to see…**

**Dedication: the amazing reviewers! I mean really 200+ reviews, 9000+ hits, 52 faves and 69 story alerts! YOU GUYS ROCK! **

**Just so you guys know: They all pick dare because they don't want to seem like sissies if the pick truth. And no one likes to be the first truth of the game. I think Esme might pick truth too. It depends, what do you thing she should do?**

**This is going to be really short, sorry**.

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_Rosalie, Truth or Dare?"_

** APOV**

Rosalie was going to get it, and get it bad. Carlisle will take out all his anger from his dare on her. I briefly saw her thinking about picking dare, but I quickly advised her otherwise. Carli had evil ideas planned for her if she picked dare…

"Truth" she admitted proudly. Why would she be proud? She just chickened out and picked truth. Carlisle swore under his breath, he had a pretty good dare for her. Something with chocolate syrup and a tanning bed…

"Fine, Rosalie, have you ever…no wait, uhm" He looked around. "Edward, come here, I need you help with this one." They walked far enough away so that we couldn't hear them. And started a deep conversation by the looks of it, whispering, hand gestures, furrowed brows, the whole nine yards.

They eventually came back, receiving glares from Esme and Rose. Carlisle turned to the dead woman walking. (No pun intended)

"Rosalie, if you could spend a day with anyone, no strings attached, who would it be?" Rosalie suddenly turned extremely angry, then very happy. All in a matter of three seconds.

"Emmett, duh" she flipped back her pink and green hair, like one of those high school queen wannabees, and still managed to pull of the colorful mess.

Edward and Carlisle gave her the 'really? -I-know-you-are-totally-lying-so-you-better-just-spit-out-the-truth' look. And Rosalie went back to the angry face.

"_Edward!" _she spatted her word at Eddie, the venom hitting him straight on in the face. He obvioulsy knew something, something that would put Rose in a very compromising situation.

Carlisle looked positivly ecstatic right now. "Come one Rose, you and I both know you are lying. Remember, Eddie-poop can read minds?"

Her eyes widened and she looked almost scared. Emmett looked a little hurt by this reaction.

"Come on Rose, you have to tell us. You always could have picked dare, but uh, to late, now spill!"

Rosalie bit her lip, and looked shyly at Emmett. "Emmett, baby, I am so sorry. But Edward is just gunna grill me until I say it. Him and his stupid mind reading ESPN!"

Emmett looked confused, and then hurt, then hopeful. Probably still thinking Rose might say his name. She loooked around.

"Carlisle, you are going to have to face my wrath **(A/N I know that no one says that, but we can pretend just for now)** when this is over."

"Come on" Carlisle was a little on the impatient side this morning. Rosalie would say anything.

"ROSALIE LILLIAN HALE!"

"Fine, George Cloony! Okay, I said it, are you happy now?"

Emmett looked extremely angry. Rose tried to make amends but all she got was "NO, why don't you go find Mr. Cloony?"

She turned to Carlisle "First I have my hair destroyed , then I have to do this! CRUEL, YOU ARE ALL CRUEL PEOPLE!"

Rosalie was on the ground and it kinda looked like she was praying to the Christmas decorations on the ceiling.

One thing was for certain, things were not looking good for Esme.

**Review, Please. I know it is short.**

**Also, my dad's friend kinda died, so I don't really know when the next chapter will be out. I didn't really know him extremely well, but it is still sad. I might be going to the wake, but I am not sure. :'[**


	17. Chapter 15

Anything is Possible in the Mall [was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This isnt even my computer. Sorry if I forgot to send you the URL's for **

Dedication: Super Doctor, cuz well she roxx. Anyone want to join the Super Duper Super Mind Reader Doctor Fan Club? You know you want to…

It is Christmas, for now. I don't know why, but it is. I hope I don't offend anyone who celebrates Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or something other than Christmas. So: No offense!

Attack of the evil writer's block!

What goes on in this chapter should never be attempted, unless you are an indestructible, immortal vamp.

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

_One thing was for certain; things were not looking good for Esme._

APOV 

Esme was not very excited about this, but she had reluctantly chose dare after I conveniently told her that truth was not a good idea! She was extremely scared of Rosalie, but then again, who isn't?

Rosalie looked very happy. It was kinda scary, okay , it was terrifying. She looked around, then turned to Esme.

"Esme, hmmm, what shall we make you do…Oh wait, I know. Esme, do you know what a gangster is?"

"A…a gangster? As in gangs and violence? Because everyone here knows that I have NO tolerance for violen-"

"Not exactly, gangster as in, like the style."

"Oh, uhm, no actually, I have never heard of 'gangster style'"

Emmett cut in, being the most gangster of us all. "First of all mom, is gangsta', not gangster"

"Gang-sta?"

"Yes mom, gang-sta"

"Okay, well what does 'gangsta' style look like?"

Rosalie looked toward me, an evil glint in her eye. I already knew what this meant,

"SHOPPING!"

I grabbed Esme's wrist and ran, unfortunately at human speed, to the nearest gangsta-ish store. Iced Out Gear.

We returned to a very nervous Carlisle, with a very pimp-ish Esme. She had the chains, the grillz, the glasses, the flat-billed hat, Dang, she even had a pimp cup!

"Okay, now Esme-"

"Rosalie, you have got to be kidding, there is more to this dare!" Esme was positively livid.

"Yes Esme, there is more. Now you see that kiddie arcade?"

"No…what kiddie arcade?"

"The one next to the big kid geeky arcade"

"It is not a geek arcade, it is a _video game lounge_!"

"Shut UP Emmett! Now, Esme, you have to go into that arcade and try to steal little children!" Rosalie started chuckling. Yes, chuckling, the man kind of silly laughing. One question, why do the girls chuckle and the boys giggle? Just a question, that Eddie-poop better answer before we leave the mall. And he better not be giggling about it like he is now.

"You are seriously kidding, right? You want me to steal little children?" Rose nodded. "Why on earth would I steal little children?"

"Cuz I dared you to, duh!"

"Rosalie Lillian Hale, you are not allowed to play with the cars once we get home!"

"MOM, DON'T TAKE AWAY THE CARS!!" Once again she was on the ground, praying to the Christmas Decorations. "What did I do?"

"You told me to go and steal little kids! You know how much I love little kids! And you want me to steal them! And now you are asking what did you do…unbelievable!"

I decided to spare Rosalie, I mean, she was already banned from tinkering with the cars, she didn't need to be grilled by Esme too. "Mom, Can we just get on with the dare?"

"Fine, but I am not going to like this!" she huffed and walked toward the 'kiddie arcade'.

She walked in, and we all moved closer to the entrance of the arcade. There were kids, I am guessing from ages two to eleven? They were little, especially considering Emmett, the youngest one of us, was 85 or something like that.

Esme looked around, desparatly trying to blend in. An inhumanly gorgeous vampire posing as a gangster who is on a mission to steal some little children, totally not noticeable.

"I might as well get this over with" Esme mumbled and went over to a little child, probably about four years old. "Hey, little one, what's your name?"

"The name's TJ mister!"

"Oh, I am not a mister. I'm a girl. Anyway, do you know where you mom is?" The little kid looked around aimlessly, and then pointed in a general direction. "Good, very good."

If you have ever seen one of those movies, when the evil genius rubs their hand together and shifts their eyes, then you can imagine Esme when she said those last three words. Next thing you know Esme grabs the little boy by the waist covers his mouth and then slowly tries to walk out of the store. Needless to say, the dude behind the ticket counter caught her. And he kinda banned her from the arcade for a few, uhh… years.

She turned back to us, but Rosalie, being Rosalie, wasn't even close to remotely satisfied.

"Uhh, Esme, you still haven't successfully managed to steal a kid yet, so uhm, should we try Baby Gap?" Esme gave a sarcastic smile, showing of her grillz.

"What ever you say Rosy" Esme was using a fake sweet voice, the OMC! That was one rude hand gesture!

"MOM!" All of us screamed. Carlisle just stood their mouth open, completely in shock. I don't think mom has ever done that before.

Emmett, Jasper, Edward and Bella were all laughing hysterically. They think its funny that Esme has lost her marbles? HOW IS THAT FUNNY!

The last we saw of mom were her baggy shorts (which ended up looking more like pants with their back pockets at their knees) going into Baby Gap.

Rosalie turned to us. She did not look happy.

"Did mom really do that?" I nodded. She glared toward the laughing tard-muffins. "Shut up you guys, this is _not_ funny!"

Carlisle was still in shock, so I decided to go and close his mouth for him. He regained focus and his first words happened to be "Wow, that was hott."

EWW! GROSS! MOM AND DAD! YUCK! Sorry for all the capital letter thoughts but OMC! I do not need to know if my dad thinks my mom is hot.

"Can we ditch Esme and go check out the video games?"

"You mean, the geek arcade?"

"No, I mean the _video game lounge_! Is that too hard to understand?!"

"Yes Emmett, it is extremely hard to understand why 40 year old guys who live with their mothers flock together to play mind numbing and brain rotting video games!"

I raised my eyebrows "Rose…Harsh, much?" She rolled her eyes.

We heard a light clinking noise and turned, Esme's pimp cup was rolling out of the store. And immediately after that, Esme comes out, holding a little girl upside down. She didn't make it very far because the alarm went off and the store manager came running out, tailed by what appeared to be the child's mother. That lady had a set of lungs! Her screams were loud!

Esme dropped the kid and ran, while all of us were laughing hysterically. Okay she didn't drop the kid per se, but well she let go and took of like a bat out of hell.

We eventually took of after her, only after the mother found the little girl, and the girl tried to eat Esme's pimp cup. I am serious. She picked it up, sniffed it, looked around, and bit it like she has never seen something edible in her life. The mother picked her up, while she looked a little animal-like as she enjoyed her tasty cup.

So, we started running after our 'mother' and found her in the Children's Place. She was in there, "looking around". There was a kid; he was really short, but looked to be around ten years old. He came up to Esme and started to touch her chains.

"Uhm, Hello?"

"What's up home slice? Anything new dawg?"

"Uhh, yah, OVER THERE!" Esme pointed to a random mannequin, and the kid, being the stupid person he is, turns. Esme grabs him by the waist and runs out of the store. Now, this kid, he doesn't even scream! He just asks if this means he gets to have her chains and grillz. Before Esme could answer Rose cut in

"NO, Sorry kid, but Esme needs to keep the look, for as long as I have my hair." The kid just stared.

"WOAH! Check out you sick-nasty hair! Are you like a rodeo clown or something? Is it real hair? -

"KID! SHUT IT! Yes it is real hair, no I am not a rodeo clown, and it is NOT sick-nasty!"

"What ever dawg, just let me down. And I want the chains!" Esme put the creepy kid down and her grabbed her chains and ran. This kid was so slow; Rosalie had her shoe off and was starting to chase him down. This kid tensed up and shoved the chains down Carlisle's dress.

"Sorry lady!" And her ran off. Leaving us all in shock and leaving Carlisle feeling violated. He had the chains hanging down his front, only barely tucked into his dress, his mouth wide, in shock again. Emmie started laughing pretty profusely. Esme turned around, and oh no. There were only two people who hadn't gotten a dare in this round…

Please pick Jazz, Please pick Jazz, Please pick Jazz 

"So Alice, Truth or Dare?"

**Reviews still make me smile :**

**So, about that awesome fan club, so you want to join? Carlisle is the President…**

**Do you wanna see Esme's Pimp Cup? I will send you the URL.**

**With URL's you have to copy and paste them into the URL bar at the top of the screen. For some reason, my computer freezes whenever I want to put a link in my profile. Just so ya know…**


	18. Chapter 16

Anything is Possible in the Mall [was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

**Sorry that this chapter is out late, but I had tons of homework yesterday. I mean tons. Also I kinda had my friends over the day before that so I was a little busy. Hope I don't disappoint.**

**Also, I know I promised no more singing, but I could resist. It's not that much any way.**

**This is Bad news. Very bad news. The story is coming to an end, rather quickly. Like only a two chapters left (Jasper's Dare & the Epilogue)**

**Does anyone want a sequel? Does anyone have ideas?**

**Dedication: GiantKilleress, again. She came up with a brilliant idea and was the first non-'fictional' person to join the Super Duper Super Mind Reader Doctor Club. Also, my bestiest (yes, I know that that isn't considered "a real word") friend, Super Doctor who probably now has like five+ chapters dedicated to her**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_So Alice, Truth or Dare?"_

**APOV**

This Stinks. Not only am I going to be humiliated, but also I only have one person left to dare. Jasper. Do you know how hard that is? You have to dare the love of your eternal life! If I give him an easy dare, then… well, I will get a hard time from Edward. But if I give him a dare Eddie-poop would approve of, then Jazz would definitly be angry. I do not want to anger Jazz, my love, my husband, the single man who has access to my closet.

I better get through the dare ahead before I start worrying about the dare I have to dish out. Esme looked at me.

"So, Alice…" Esme looked around then turned back to me. "Have you ever taken a bath in lotion before, Alice?

A Bath? What the heck? Did that pimp cup hit her off the head? I think she's losing her touch…

"No, I don't think so…unless you count…Nope."

"Good…" another one of those weird, sadistic villain smiles. Kind of creepy if you ask me. "Are you familiar with the Spanish Alphabet song?"

Oh, no, I saw where se was going with this. Why did I have to know that song? Why? But wait, Esme doesn't know that I know that.

"No, care to enlighten me mother dear?" Edward snorted then raised his eyebrows at me. Dang. My cover is blown. Curses Mr. Yarasitis, why did you have to teach me that song?!?

"Okay, Now Alice. You have to go into Bath & Body Works, get all and I mean ALL, of their stuff, then dump it in the fountain. Then, you can take a bath in it… while singing that song."

"K, Alice" Rosalie looked excited. "This means shopping!!"

"Yah, but shopping for ugly clothes! I will ruin the nice clothes. I don't even get ugly clothes for the needy people!" They all looked at me. "Yes, I do shop for the needy! I can use my obsession for good!"

They stared more, the kind of stare I got right before I was locked away in a straight jacket.

Rosalie gave me a look saying 'stay' and left. Ten minutes later she was back with a mini-mine-red and green plaid skirt, and a matching shirt that barely covered what needed to be covered. Just because I am inhumanly beautiful _, shut up Eddie-poop!_ Doesn't mean I have to dress like Rosalie!

"Rose, where the heck is the rest of this outfit?"

"This is the rest."

"Not if I don't want to look like a hooker!"

"Stop being a Bella!" Edward immediately got angry.

"Rose, take that back"

"No Eddie, I will not. Its about time my sisters learned how to dress like a Hale." I raised an eyebrow.

"Rose, I am sorry to break it to you , but…we're Cullens." Her face fell. She turned on her heels, making an unworldly sound.

"Fine….. Stupid Cullen…" She muttered looking down. She was outnumbered, and Jasper wasn't even a real hale. "I will go get you clothes to bathe in lotion in, you better start signing!"

I tried to remember the song; it wasn't going so well. I remembered it. Dang. Now I don't have an excuse to not do this. I think it might be in my best interest to buy the stuff from Bath & Body Works. Stealing might alert the "all-ma op-ca's" **(if you don't know pig latin, that's mall cops)**

I walked in to the store and just started grabbing stuff, I threw my credit card at the counter ( I think I must have hit the check out girl because I heard "OWW! MY EYE!!"). I just started grabbing shampoo, lotion, lip-gloss, stuffed animals, gift baskets, soap, and all that good stuff and I made a huge pile of stuff next to the fountain.

This fountain is _tough_. I mean really, it has withstood Bella, mounds of change, Emmett, Super Doctor, and an angry Eddie-poop.

I started to empty all the contents of every container in this mountain (after letting Emmie jump in it of course. He almost got lost, but then Rose went in after him and well I didn't think it was that big of a pile because it took them fifteen minutes to get out of there.) into the fountain. Do you know what color all of this junk makes when combined? The most disgusting shade of green-brown. I might not eat –hunt- for a week. Bella looked a little green.

I jumped in, only to scream like a tiny little girl. _Don't make fun, Eddie. I meant young girl. Not tiny as in short._ Most people stopped and stared at me. I held my breath and dipped under the surface. YUCK!

I let my head break the surface of this slimy disgusting muck. And I started to sing, in an extremely shaky voice:

" THE ALPHABET IS EASY TO LEARN! SPEAK IN RHYTHM! EACH LETTER GETS A TURN! THE ALPHABET IS EASY TO LEARN!" Some, okay lots of people were starting to make a mob. I really hope they already used all of their change, I don't think money was going to help this concoction.

"SAY IT WITH ME! AH, BEY SEY CHEY DE EF EF-AY! **(I am trying to type them like they are sounded , so that's why they are spelt wrong)**" Weirdly someone did the echo. Okay, I was pretty sure that no one knew this song. I mean, I didn't see anyone knowing the words. "HE, AH-CHEY, EE, HOTA, KAY, ELL-AY!" Again with the echo, should I be scared?

Okay, so I was you know, going on with the song wen all of a sudden , to my utter loathing, someone jumped in with me and put their arm around me. First of all, Why would anyone in their right mind jump into this disgusting yuckiness? Second, who the heck had their hand around my shoulders. I had the odd feeling it wasn't Jasper.

I turned to my right to see… GERTRUDE!!

I ran out of that fountain as fast as my legs could carry me. I think I am scarred for the rest of my eternal life. I ran and got myself a towel and attempted to remove the gunk of me. It didn't work and I sadly think it may never be removed. So much for flawless skin…

"So Jazzy, Truth or dare?"

**Reviews still make me smile **

**This was not my besat writing  It totally stunk, but I can only place the blame on my evil, merciless homework. Sorry its so short too.**

**Remember, there will probably only two more chapters unless I write up the ride home. There might be an authors note about the sequel if I have one. So review with ideas! Or PM me, whichever floats your boat.**

**Also, I have no clue as to what Jasper is going to do. What do you think?**

**Search the " Spanish Alphabet Song" on and it will come up !**


	19. Chapter 17

Anything is Possible in the Mall [was Mall Turmoil

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Unless you count Carl, Carol, and Gertrude, but who really wants them anyways?**

**Second to last chapter! I will have an epilogue! Who wants a sequel.? I will only write one if I have 30+ reviews on the next chapter/epilogue. **

**Okay, that's a lie, I will probably end up writing a sequel anyway, but I want everyone who reads to review if possible! The more reviews the faster the next story will be out!**

**Dedication: RockstarLife! For all the amazing reviews! And GiantKilleress who will eat Gertrude's brains? Also Super Doctor, whose idea sadly could not be written to make sound good enough. :( But also to Regan, whose idea could!**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_So Jazzy, Truth or dare?"_

**APOV**

I really hate to do this to him, but Jazz is just going to deal. I will make him forgive me in one way or another…;)

Okay, so basically, I was going to give Jazzy a nice dare (He was torn weather to pick truth or dare, so he and Emmett had a staring contest. Jasper was truth, Emmie was Dare. Winner would be what Jazz picked. I'll give you one guess as to who won, after about half an hour and an attack from Rose later.) and then I saw Edward tying me to a tree and having me watch my closet burn to ashes. So basically, I am forced to give Jasper a hard time. There are some things in my closet that are antiques, vintage, things that can't be replaced! I mean, would you liked to have an early 20th century silk dress burned? I wouldn't!

Okay, away from my rambling. I am going to be so sorry for doing this to Jazz.

Everyone was staring at me. I didn't think I was thinking for that long.

"Jazz, you know I love you right?" Emmett and Edward got all excited, they knew they had won. The gave each other high five's and did that bang chest thing that guys do…

"Alice! You are picking Edward and Emmett over ME! I mean, I'm your HUSBAND!"

"Sorry Jazz, but he threatened my closet! What am I supposed to do?!"

"Nice to know you'd pick your closet over me" Jazz turned and sulked. He knew I couldn't resist that. It's just too cute!

"Jazz, come here! I will make it up to you" I whispered some "things" in his ear. He won't be mad at me for long.

"Jazz, so, before you know, you kinda have too…" I paused, then started again. He will get over it. " Jasper, you"

I phased out and saw my husband in, a…a … why the heck would…Oh. Edward just gave me that look. You know the kind where you better do something or there will be serious consequence I had no choice but to give in. My closet was at stake!

"Jazz, you have to let me dress you up."

"ALICE?"

"Yes Eddie?"

"What about the rest?"

"What 'rest'?" Eddie turned to my amazing lover and

"Jasper you have to get dresses up by Alice then…" He paused, probably for dramatic affect. "And find that chocolate store, and eat every single chocolate item in that store"

"But every thing is chocolate, I mean, why else would they call it a chocolate store?"

"That's the point Jazzy!"

"Fine…" Jasper sounded really depressed, even though I knew he wasn't. It was a secret he had told me a long time ago, maybe even before we had met Carlisle. Ever since he was a little boy he loved the rarity of chocolate, he had, well, probably the worst case of chocoholic-ism on the face of the planet. He was secretly enjoying this.

I ran to the nearest store, and quickly bought a pink frilly dress. I hope Jazz wont mind too much. O well, either way we can keep it and i can force Bella into it later...I'm sure Edward will enjoy the low neckline...

I returned and held out the dress to show Jasper, I grinned sheepishly. He grabbed it, ran into the store, and thirt seconds later was ...well he kind od looked like a hooker, but I think it's best i not tell him that.

"God, Edward, point me in the right direction." His solemn face definitely fooled everyone…except me, I shot him a glance and started singing the Barney theme song in my head, just cuz I know it annoys Eddie-poop!

Edward looked over, "Alice, what are you not telling me?"

"Nothing Eddie" Just that Jasper will actually enjoy this dare… "Where did Emmett and Rosalie go?"

"Yeah, were did they go, they were standing right next to me…saying something about pants…"

"What ever, lets go, Jasper gotta eat all those calories! Good luck with heaving them up later!"

"Shut UP Eddie!"

We started walking, to the candy shop, but also secretly watching for our lost brother and sister. Bella thought she had seen them, but then they ran away.

We entered the chocolate shop and Jasper headed straight for the back wall and started to stuff the chocolate bars down his throat, smiling the whole time.

He told me, okay, he didn't but I saw a vision, of me throwing a credit card at the wide-eyed chashier. So I did. So what if I may have hit her…hard? It's only a little piercing bruise, she'll deal with it!

First the chocolate bars, then the chocolate covered candies, then the chocolate covered cookies. And that was only the back wall! Emmett and Rosalie were still not back yet, we were getting worried. We tried calling but all we got was voice mail.

Onto the second wall, and the chocolate fountain. It was drained in seconds. Edward was in shock, and Bella was rushing to get some of the untouched sweets, not that there were very many.

"Guysyougottatrythis!" Jasper's words were slurred, OMC! He was CHOCOLATE DRUNK!

Emmett and Rosalie walked in carrying a huge bag each. I can't believe those sons of a biscuit eating bulldogs would go shopping with out me! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! MUTINY!

Edward, don't shoot me that look, I am totally sane if you're asking!

"We brought the fat pants!" I stared.

"You brought fat pants for my Jazzy? Emmett are you on crack?"

"No, according to you I'm on steroids, but that's not the point! If Jasper is going to stuff his face with all this chocolate, then he is going to need the next five pant sizes!"

Rosalie chimed in "I didn't know how much Jazz would eat so I got almost all of the sizes in the store. I also kinda forgot what size he was, or if he was one of those 'Big and Tall' freaks."

"Rose, baby, I'm one of those 'Big and Tall' freaks!"

"Ohh, uhm…sorry?"

"Yah, you better be sorry! Okay, just kidding your forgiven, but I don't know how Jasper took the insult."

The all looked at my husband, who was sitting on the floor, probably close to passing out, drooling chocolate all over that new Marc Jacobs shirt I bought him.

"I am offended Rose, why would you use such hurtful language?"

She looked like she was about to snort, okay, she didn't look like it, she did! "Jasper, when have I not used 'hurtful language'?"

"Good point, but I do remember that time, in the 70's when _Disco Inferno_ came on, you had all those drin-"

"JASPER WHITLOCK HALE! I thought you promised not to talk about that!"

"Sorry, I think its just one of those side effects of being a 'Big and Tall' freak!"

Edward couldn't take it anymore! "Jasper, stop bickering with Rosalie, you and I , and possibly everyone in the whole bottom floor knows you are going to lose!"

Jasper started laughing uncontrollably. And they say I'm the crazy one…

"What the heck are you laughing at?!"

"You said bickering! Haha, what were you born in the 1900's?"

"Yes, immature little tar-nugget! I was born then! Should I mention you're the second oldest though! 1843 ring a bell?"

"God Edward, no need to get feisty!"

"I will get 'feisty' when I want! Though it would be a lot easier if you could control yourself!" Jasper grinned sheepishly. All of a sudden

"SORRY VALUED CUSTOMERS! BUT THE MALL WIL BE CLOSING IN 5, I REPEAT 5 MINUTES, SO I WILL ASK YOU ALL TO CALMLY RETURN TO YOUR CARS AND VACATE THE PREMISIS! YOU CAN COME BACK TOMORROW! THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!"

The intercom system blasted throughout the mall, crushing our hopes of finishing this game.

"So…we…have…to…leave?"

"It's okay Esme, we can always come back some other time!"

We were slowly and sadly walking out, Jasper was taking a peek at his new 'fat pants', when we caught a glimpse of the dreaded, scary, fear inflicting, terrifying, spooky, dreadful, formidable MALL COPS! **(sorry about that, I just had one of those 'I'm a thesaurus' moments)** They glared as we slowly made our way to the parking garage…

**Reviews still make me smile:)**

**Okay, this chapter was really gay :( Definitly not my favorite one. It gets better toward the end, but the middle….blah.**

**I really don't want this story to end, but it would be soooo monotonous if I just kept having them dare each other. 2 to 1 I will make a sequal, so review with all your awesome ideas!**


	20. Chapter 18

**Anything is Possible in the Mall [was Mall Turmoil**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Unless you count Carl, Carol, and Gertrude, but who really wants them anyways?**

**Okay, this will be the last real chapter. I WANT REVIEWS!! If I don't get enough to make me happy, the sequel will be out later than planned. It sounds greedy andcrazy, but oh well. I am sorry. I am just putting it plainly.**

**I will have an authors not after this about the sequel, if people want one. So keep your eye out, put this story on Alert of have me on Author Alert so you can be one of the first to know what & when the sequel will be.**

**Anyway, enjoy what's left of this story!**

_Previously in Anything is Possible in the Mall:_

"_They glared as we slowly mad our way to the parking garage…"_

APOV 

We got outside, and saw the massive Jeep Wrangler waiting for us. It was extremely sad to get in. A crappy ending to our perfect day.

Edward smirked.

Okay, almost perfect day. It was probably the most fun Carlisle and Esme have had in years. I think it may beat out that disco night we had in the seventies…hmmm, that night may also be the reason Edward threw out all the CD's with the song Disco Inferno on it.

Anyway, I got into the passenger side seat because 1.) Jasper is driving so I get to sit near him and 2.) I yelled "shotgun!" before we got to the care. There are no longer enough seats so I had to move my purchases to the trunk, and Bella had to sit on Eddie-poo's lap to avoid sitting on the floor. Not that either of them would have preferred her on the floor.

"So, well, uhmm, it was a great day you guys?"

"Carli, you don't even know the half of it"

"Well, wasn't I there for half of it?"

"Okay, I guess you got me"

"Yeah, and I got you bad Emmett!"

"You 'got me bad'?" I really hate it when I turn around to find my brothers using air quotes.

"Emmett, I am trying to sound hip here, and you are not making it any easier!"

"DAD! No one says hip anymore!"

"Okay, I dig what you are saying!" Everyone was laughing, it was apparent to everyone except Emmett that Carlisle was only doing this to get him riled up.

"CARLI! No one says dig either!"

"Fine, I smell what you're stepping in"

"GOSH DAD! You are a total embarrassment!!"

I decided to take action, "GUYS! SHUT UP!" they got quieter, but they were no where near stopping the argument.

We were driving along when we happened to pass a certain billboard, with a certain action star, that a certain someone has a certain phobia of…. Long story short, Edward is hiding in the trunk in a fetal position sucking his thumb like the little baby he is.. Bella was a little bit creeped out by Eddie-poo's spasm of fear, but then moved on from the subject…

"Guys,you know what? I didn't even get something to eat… "

This was going to be a long ride home.

* * *

**Epilogue**

**JPOV (not who you think at first)**

I shot a glance at the clock. 3:00. Dang, I still had two hours. Oh well, I will just start my patrol earlier than normal today. I guess I better get to Sam's. I started toward the door when I smelled it: LEECH! I better get there fast!

I ran outside, not even bother to make sure I opened the door correctly. So what? I will re-attach it to it's hinges later. And who cares that most of it broke in half? I mean, we always hated that door. So I was running out the door, trying to catch on to that sickly sweet smell when I trip! Yupp, I pull a Bella and fall flat on my face!

I looked over my shoulder to see what caused my sudden fall an noticed a huge metal…was that a dog cage? What the heck, what kind of sick joke it this. It better not be Embry trying to get on my nerves by calling Bella to get her 'boyfriend' to piss me off.

I walked over to the contraption, in fact it was an oversized dog cage. It had a little crème colored envelope on the side. It must have been the top, but I guess I knocked it over when I fell over it.

I opened the card, though I didn't want to. It smelled so bad! Inside it read:

_Dearest Jacob, _

_Here's a little something from us to you. Hope you get as many good memories out of it as we do!_

_Very Truly Yours,_

_Edward, Bella, and the rest of the Cullens_

Briefly , off in the distance, I could faintly hear some shouting. I don't think I would have heard it if I wasn't a werewolf. I could subtly hear off in the distance:

"WHERE IS THE OTHER CELL!?! COME ON! WE JUST RENOVATED!!!" **( I know were wolves can't hear that far, but we can pretend for now!)**

_**The End!! (for now…)**_

**Reviews still make me smile:)**

**Sorry its short but, somehow I think you will all live**

**Just kidding, but not about the living part, I really want you all not to die!**

**Anyway, keep an eye out for the sequel, or the next authors note which will have some pretty useful information, I think.**

**Anyway, thank you all for sticking throught the whole story and not giving up on my mess of boringness!**

**-melissa**


	21. About the Sequel

**ABOUT THE SEQUEL!!**

**I have some ideas that are coming along, sorta, not really, kinda. So any ideas will be highly appreciated. So review with those bad puppies!**

**Anyway, I have started the sequel, but I have lots to do, so don't expect an update everyday (I did update every day in the beginning). School is starting to get a little more challenging, which means more homework, which in turn means less time on the computer.**

**Since I am total geek, and I am constantly trying to make time for me to go on the computer, I will never leave you guys hanging for a long period of time without explanation. **

**I will post it soon, but how soon depends on how many reviews I get. I have a lot of holiday stuff that I "have to get done, or else no one will ever want to give me presents again". (wow, my mom is deranged)**

**Anyway, more reviews equals the more motivated I am & more time I will make for the sequel. **

**So any ideas will rock my soxx, even though I am kinda wearing flip-flops in the middle of winter ;) **

**melissa**

P.S As of now, the sequel is titled "The Happiest Place on Earth". That is totally subject to change, but thats it for now. Any guesses to what's going to happen? ;)


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